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                         April 
                          1982, Afghanistan 
                           
                           
                         
                          Spring, 
                          birds chirping, trees blooming, baby rabbits hopping 
                          across fresh green lawns, prettily sniffing at daffodils. 
                           
                        Yeah, 
                          right. Dan sneered at the mental image with which he 
                          had been amusing himself for the last two hours while 
                          cleaning his guns for the umpteenth time. 
                        Spring. 
                          Bloody spring in this goddamned shithole and the snow 
                          was still covering most of the mountains. Granted, the 
                          plateau was fairly clear from the white crap that was 
                          pissing him off to heaven and hell after almost six 
                          months of trudging through this shit, but the nights 
                          were still freezing. The cold was ten times worse than 
                          the heat had been during the last time he had been in 
                          that cave.  
                        Spring. 
                          April. Nineteen-bloody-eighty-bloody-two, and it felt 
                          like eons ago since he had carved a word into bleeding 
                          flesh, sealing his fate by setting the path that would 
                          lead him back to this place, waiting. Day after day, 
                          approaching the tenth. He'd be waiting until he could 
                          hold off his orders no longer, bound by his duties as 
                          much as the other. 
                        Day 
                          after day. Shooting small animals, skinning, roasting, 
                          eating. Shitting in a faraway corner, pissing the water 
                          back out that came cold and fresh from the well that 
                          still sported the Russian's blood in his imagination. 
                          There, the construction that held the bucket; the beam 
                          he had tied the man to. Dan was watching, waiting, cleaning 
                          his weapons and doing some exercises, but most of all 
                          observing the mountains. Alone with his thoughts, content 
                          with himself. Sleeping, dreaming, never of anything 
                          other than sweat and heat, touch and need. 
                        Watching. 
                          Waiting. Wanting. 
                        * 
                          * * 
                        Mild 
                          enough to sleep outside, and Vadim didn't mind anymore, 
                          didn't mind the country, or the stress, didn't mind 
                          mountain warfare and the deaths. Remembered Platon, 
                          good for a dozen fucks, perverse the fact that the kid 
                          had been so fucking young and so fucking scared, the 
                          contrast of their bodies nearly the best about it, bony, 
                          slender, a sleek creature with good bones, good features. 
                          Had been trip number 30, one-and-a-half medals, for 
                          courage, in what his side called "road war", 
                          fighting for streets and passage, and mobility.  
                        Rifle 
                          shot in the throat, Platon had bled out before any medic 
                          could reach him. The driver had been gloomy during winter, 
                          so gloomy that Vadim had bitchslapped him, several times, 
                          told him to get his fucking act together, but Platon 
                          had said he'd die. Had been right. Hadn't shaved before 
                          his trips, no hand shaking, no photos, and still dead. 
                          Black tulips.  
                        Vadim 
                          couldn't linger, didn't want to. Platon and him had 
                          been 'friends', the kid sometimes rested at his shoulder 
                          when they drank, and it was a father-son-thing, Vadim 
                          doubted anybody knew their physical ease with each other 
                          had been earned at night. Fuck. Platon had gotten into 
                          his mind, a little, maybe because he had been so scared 
                          the first time, begged him not to hurt him, offered 
                          whatever to not be hurt. Vadim had been too sober, he 
                          actually didn't do it as intended, thought of the fucking 
                          Brit and their meeting in Kabul, and thought, fuck. 
                          Had taught Platon how he liked to be touched, did the 
                          whole thing, jerking each other off, Platon didn't get 
                          into cocksucking, though, too nervous. Vadim had fucked 
                          his thighs for weeks and jerked him off before he actually 
                          fucked him, and he'd been 'careful', and gotten the 
                          other to relax and enjoy it. Never quite like Gavriil, 
                          who was still stationed somewhere in Kabul, but actually 
                          the very first conscript with some guts despite his 
                          age. Guts enough to treat him just like another soldier, 
                          no fear of the invincible, indestructible spetsnaz. 
                          Kids and fools know no fear. 
                        Vadim 
                          had written the letter home, what a hero Platon had 
                          been, how much his comrades respected him, heart and 
                          soul of his unit, and had wanted to scream in rage, 
                          go off into the mountains and kill everything that moved, 
                          pile bodies up just to feel better. Was oddly, darkly 
                          relieved he hadn't raped the kid, not to his knowledge, 
                          not like he could have. Leaving him not much of an option, 
                          okay, but hey, that wasn't as bad as it could have been. 
                          Sent the letter off and kept his own council. Platon's 
                          friends thought he was one of them, but he didn't take 
                          any bullshit from them about consolation. He wasn't 
                          that young anymore, and never been that innocent. He'd 
                          been the father-figure of one fucking conscript who 
                          had been fascinated with the special forces. End of 
                          story.  
                        He'd 
                          pulled strings to be able to get to the cave, check 
                          out dushman movements, alone, because hiding one man 
                          was easier. He'd been especially careful, kept to himself, 
                          thought things through, Platon, and the strangely gloomy, 
                          hopeless thing they'd had, Platon who'd said he felt 
                          safe with him, Vadim who had joked he could kill him 
                          in a heartbeat. Or rather, not joked.  
                        Vadim 
                          moved, guided by the latest intelligence, went with 
                          a convoy, then began the long march, slept when he could, 
                          always defenceless the moment his mind slipped away. 
                          Tired. 
                        Once, 
                          in the middle of the night, there was a blinding pain 
                          in his head, then a deeper kind of darkness. 
                        The 
                          next time he woke up, it was to kicks and punches, his 
                          hands twisted, and curses in Dari, or Pushtu, or any 
                          other language. Still could only order tea. He had a 
                          rag over his head, nose and eyes felt swollen, the bag 
                          was wet, and he knew they tried to scare him, scare 
                          him by restricting his oxygen, and he breathed, calm, 
                          forced his mind to acknowledge he'd been taken in his 
                          sleep, in the middle of nowhere. Not fucking again. 
                           
                        They 
                          hit him, hit him a lot, rifle butts, he thought, mostly 
                          against his back and shoulders, his chest. He did as 
                          expected, cringed like a worm that was being stomped 
                          upon - no guise, he did mean it.  
                        They 
                          didn't speak Russian, or English, but they must have 
                          worked out he was an officer, or the pain in the night 
                          would have been a bullet. They'd take him somewhere 
                          where they could cut the knowledge out of him. He had 
                          no idea how many they were, he heard definitely more 
                          than two voices. Didn't give a fuck, plotted, worked 
                          on his escape when they tired of hitting him. Calculated 
                          his chances, didn't look bad, did what they forced him 
                          to do, and that was march.  
                        Vadim 
                          roughly calculated the direction in which they took 
                          him as north, judging from the way they bowed to Mecca 
                          five times a day, and he could peek through the rag 
                          when he worked a little, pulling the cloth with his 
                          lips to a place that was thinned out, saw shadows, and 
                          that was just enough. North. Closer to Kabul again, 
                          not south, toward Pakistan. Probably meant to bring 
                          him to the Panjer. Which was amazingly bad news. He 
                          didn't want to get face to face with the warlords there. 
                           
                        He 
                          prepared to make a run for it, but the bitches were 
                          careful and thorough, and his hopes sank. They kept 
                          him short on water and food, probably didn't have much 
                          themselves, and underestimated the amount of water that 
                          a body like his needed, they seemed to be creatures 
                          of leather, these mountain people.  
                        Eventually, 
                          they rested during midday, and Vadim collapsed onto 
                          his knees, breathing hard, dizzy, throat parched. There, 
                          "salaams", greetings. Another voice. They 
                          seemed at ease. Had met up with another group? Probably 
                          yes.  
                        Vadim 
                          focused on breathing, listening, thought he might recognize 
                          place names, names of people if he listened carefully. 
                          But then. The voice. Pushtu. A deceptively soft voice, 
                          with a melody he recognized. Dan? What the fuck? His 
                          head snapped up, he tried again to work on the rope 
                          around his wrists, they let him drink like an animal, 
                          that rope came never off. 
                        The 
                          voice continued, talking slower than the locals, but 
                          fluently. Then silence, shuffling, the rustle of papers, 
                          and several voices together, debating. It had to be 
                          his captors, then, who spoke with determination. "No." 
                          In Pushtu. 
                        * 
                          * * 
                        Smooth-talking, 
                          the rifle slung carelessly across Dan's back, cajoling, 
                          trying to bribe with words and explain, showing the 
                          letter that gave him authority, and arguing the prisoner 
                          should be his. He should take the Russian soldier to 
                          the warlord, but they refused. No. 
                        Theirs. 
                          Not his. Wrong warlord, wrong place, wrong religion 
                          and wrong race. 
                        Dan 
                          remained silent, shielding his eyes with hair and dark 
                          brows while glancing at the barely conscious figure 
                          on its knees. The Russkie. His Russkie. His cunt. 
                        Vadim 
                          could have been hewn from stone, didn't move a muscle 
                          as he heard the voice, knew for a fact it was him. The 
                          voices sounded agitated, those weren't Dan's insurgents, 
                          Afghanistan and its fucking factions, one warlord hating 
                          the other, one race the other, ethnic groups as incompatible 
                          as predators and prey.  
                        "I 
                          understand." Dan finally answered. In Pushtu again, 
                          nodding and seeming acquiescent. "The Soviet officer 
                          is yours. Take him to your warlord. He is your responsibility. 
                          I will be on my way." A shuffle of boots on the 
                          bare rocks and Dan turned to leave. "Da-svi-da-niya." 
                        Goodbye? 
                          It hit Vadim like a grenade, everything he'd gathered, 
                          thoughts, willpower, strength, suddenly burst into splinters. 
                          He fought, got up, got two strides in, then heard them 
                          shout and again the fucking rifles butts, until he couldn't 
                          move but squirm on the ground, choking on his tears. 
                          Hoped to fuck the SAS guy would move up higher into 
                          the mountains, take aim and shoot him from there. Had 
                          no voice, no breath, no strength to shout that after 
                          him, instead focused on curling up against the vicious 
                          blows. They did what he would have done to a prisoner. 
                          All's fair in war. He had been taken. That was his lot. 
                          Nothing he could do about it. Platon had had a quicker 
                          death.  
                        Maybe 
                          there was an opportunity later. Vadim waited, waited 
                          for the one blow to the head that would be a big calibre 
                          slug going right through it. Fuck Afghanistan. 
                        * 
                          * * 
                        Dan 
                          walked away, barely able to control the tension. Fuck. 
                          Fucking Russkie, but fuck those goat-herders even more. 
                          Trust the Russian cunt to act like a brainless idiot, 
                          attacking the Mujas with a hood on his head. The plan 
                          had been forming in his mind while checking location, 
                          opponents and chances during their conversation. He'd 
                          tried with words, but in the end, fire and steel would 
                          do it again.  
                        He 
                          couldn't have shot them, not then nor there. Not three 
                          at the same time. Besides, his ammo and rifle were rare 
                          in the mountains. Too dangerous to be tracked and found 
                          out, Dan, the foreigner, the Westerner and infidel, 
                          the man who came to help and who turned out to be a 
                          traitor? No fucking way. All he could have done - was 
                          what he did. To have his presence acknowledged by uttering 
                          the Russian greeting, and to listen and watch the beating. 
                        Hours 
                          passed, Dan remained carefully hidden close by, behind 
                          an outcrop of rocks where he had stashed his bergan 
                          long before the three insurgents had arrived, taking 
                          their captured prize to the water. He'd noticed them 
                          from miles away, those damned natives would never learn 
                          to be stealth fighters. Now watching, waiting again, 
                          still for the same man, but this time the stakes had 
                          been upped and a whole new deck of cards had been handed 
                          to the very few players. Hearts or spades; he'd take 
                          the cocks instead. 
                        Dusk 
                          fell, and Dan was ready to go, watching the group around 
                          the fire. The prisoner - still with his head covered 
                          - slumped and seemed more dead than alive. It would 
                          get fucking cold soon, was well below freezing, but 
                          he counted on the Russian and his physical strength. 
                          He'd make it, had done it before.  
                        Finally, 
                          one of the Mujas stood up, left the fire, rolled up 
                          in his coat and a blanket, close to the Russian. Towards 
                          the edge of the cave, seemed they avoided the darkness 
                          at the back.  
                        Damn. 
                          Dan frowned. None of the other two started to move, 
                          the bastards continued to sit and talk. He noticed the 
                          Russkie's head fall forwards and his body slump, and 
                          Dan knew he could not wait any longer. Bad sign. He 
                          was betting on dehydration and weakness, maybe shock 
                          due to extensive bruising. A few more hours and the 
                          Russian would be useless for what he needed him to do. 
                           
                        Dan 
                          climbed out of his hiding place between the rocks, started 
                          to make his way in, torturously slow belly-crawling 
                          towards the cave, took the long way round from the back, 
                          until he finally, after what seemed an eternity, came 
                          close enough to touch the Russkie. He was hidden in 
                          the shadows, shielded by the other's body and the cold, 
                          moonless night. Darkness. His friend. 
                        "Silence." 
                          In Russian. Whispered into Vadim's ear the moment his 
                          hand clasped over the hood, judging where the mouth 
                          should be.  
                        * 
                          * * 
                        Vadim 
                          jerked awake again, had started to dream something, 
                          couldn't bear waiting anymore, had been sweating and 
                          nervous about the fucking bullet that never came, now 
                          felt something touch his face, restrict breath. Could 
                          feel himself shudder, slowly shifted his weight, moved 
                          his hands, yes, reached out with his fingers, almost 
                          numb as they were, tried to touch, tried to understand 
                          whether it was Dan and whether he'd come to kill or 
                          free him. He nodded. 
                        Dan 
                          felt the nod, those fingers moved, sensed the tension 
                          in a body he was getting to know as well as his own. 
                          "Wait. Don't move." Breathed into the other's 
                          ear.  
                        Vadim 
                          touched Dan's thigh, needed to calm himself, needed 
                          that touch, full stop. Wait. What if, whatever Dan planned, 
                          went wrong? What if he started to hope he'd be free 
                          and then it wouldn't happen. Fuck. 
                        Dan's 
                          hand slid slowly off the hood, froze at a shuffle and 
                          a sound right beside him where one of the Mujas was 
                          asleep. Remained absolutely still until he was sure 
                          the man had settled back to sleep. Heard the other two 
                          were talking over there at the fire. Good, no movement 
                          nor recognition from them. His hand crept to his back 
                          and touched the sheath that housed his most trusted 
                          knife. He'd only have one go at it, and it had to be 
                          silent.  
                        Moving 
                          again, barely visible increments in the darkness, until 
                          the shape of the sleeping man became clearer. There. 
                          Head, neck, shoulders. Throat.  
                        It 
                          was quick. Swift movement, flash of the blade and the 
                          razor-sharp assault knife cut through tendons, trachea 
                          and part of the spinal chord, almost severing the vertebrae. 
                          Death. Silent, except for a faint gurgle, and swift. 
                          No agony, just death. Nameless. Shapeless. Meaningless. 
                        The 
                          two others were still talking. Dan waited. Watched, 
                          back to the old game of patience, cleaned the blade 
                          on the Muja's coat before silently sliding back, once 
                          more to the Russian. Cutting through the knot that tied 
                          the hood to the other's head. "Do you function?" 
                          Toneless whisper directly into the ear. 
                        Vadim 
                          nodded, could smell the blood over his own smell of 
                          fear and pain. "Positive", he breathed, raised 
                          his hands a little to present the rope, wrists pushed 
                          apart. His ribs were alright, he was only hurting, not 
                          seriously wounded. He hoped. No, he'd have noticed that. 
                        The 
                          hood slid over Vadim's face, was silently discarded, 
                          the knife severed the rope between his wrists, while 
                          Vadim's eyes got used to the star- and moonlight again, 
                          the reflection of fire. The darkness was gone, he could 
                          see. His left eye twitched, it was pretty badly swollen, 
                          but his sight was decent.  
                        A 
                          steadying hand appeared between the Russian's shoulder 
                          blades, applying a firm pressure. "See the Mujas?" 
                           
                        Vadim 
                          nodded, rubbing his wrists, spread his fingers, checked 
                          whether all tendons were good, stretched his legs, too, 
                          slowly shifted into a crouch. Fuck, he was hurting, 
                          but his body geared up for the kill.  
                        Dan 
                          moved, everything agonisingly slow, silent, got the 
                          second knife out, pushing it into the other's hand. 
                          "Blade's shorter." Figured it was all the 
                          Russkie needed to know. Special Forces. "I take 
                          the right. You the left. No guns, no bullets, no detection." 
                        Vadim 
                          nodded, assumed the dushmans would be blinded by the 
                          fire, would much prefer his pistol, his rifle, or a 
                          garrotte, take one prisoner and torture the fucking 
                          life out of him. His lips moved into a feral snarl, 
                          the hatred pushed pain and exhaustion to the side, grew 
                          and surged. He shifted his weight, began to move in 
                          a circle, to flank and strike and kill.  
                        Dan 
                          moved into the opposite direction - silent progress; 
                          silent attack. His second kill was as swift as the first. 
                          Painless except for the moment of terror in his victim, 
                          when the blade entered the body, sliced and severed, 
                          taking the man from life to death. He was pushing the 
                          lifeless body to the ground, when a sudden frenzy of 
                          motion and sound caught his attention. 
                        Vadim 
                          appeared right out of the darkness, up to the last heartbeat 
                          didn't know whether he'd only wound or kill, but he 
                          was in a shit state, mentally most of all, and there 
                          was nothing he did want to know, so just made the bastard 
                          grin and gurgle, and hacked the knife into the body, 
                          down through the shoulder, again, and again, kicking 
                          him, hitting him, the knife went in and in, blood splattering 
                          into his face, on his chest, the rage just tore free, 
                          and he wanted to reduce that body to nothing, to fucking 
                          nothing. Minced meat, and he screamed with rage and 
                          anger and pain, all the fear came out, the pressure, 
                          Platon. Kept the knife but went to his knees again, 
                          exhausted, pain throbbing in his face and chest and 
                          shoulders. 
                        Dan 
                          stood, motionless, watching the entire show. He didn't 
                          have a fucking clue what was going on in that madman's 
                          mind. Cleaning the knife, he pushed it back into its 
                          sheath. "He's dead. You can stop now." Shook 
                          his head, looked at the mutilated, still twitching copse 
                          in disbelief. "Talk about overkill. You Russians 
                          are fucking weirdoes." 
                        Vadim 
                          stared at the ground, thought he'd break down, but he 
                          just breathed through the parched, raw throat. Wanted 
                          to scream more, wanted to cut the bastard open and see 
                          his guts gather dust on the ground. Breathed. Slowly 
                          extended a hand towards sanity, pulled himself out of 
                          this state that wasn't healthy, wasn't sane, looked 
                          up to the other, not quite comprehending, moved a couple 
                          yards to get to his pack, his gear that the dushmans 
                          had brought. Found his canteen and poured the water 
                          down his throat, swallowed, felt he could never drink 
                          enough to not be thirsty, gave his stomach a few moments 
                          to deal with the water. "Fucking hate bitches 
" 
                        "I 
                          can tell." Dan replied coolly, wiped his hands, 
                          hardly any blood on them. He'd been professional, cold, 
                          felt somewhat disturbed at the other's reaction. Watched 
                          him drink, his own breath curling in front of his face 
                          before he bent down, rifling through one of the corpses' 
                          clothes and bags. "We need to get rid of them. 
                          Enemy warlord, all that crap. Make it believable." 
                          He kept some of the weapons he found, but most of the 
                          stuff was useless tat. Prayer beads, Arabic writing, 
                          Koran. He didn't want any of that. "And get washed 
                          up. Fucking madman." 
                        Vadim 
                          looked up. No way he'd tell the bastard that they had 
                          kicked and treated him like a fucking dog for the last 
                          days. "Can help you carry. Ravine? Or bury them." 
                          Hard work to bury here, with just stones. But yes, didn't 
                          exactly want to attract buzzards. He drank more, poured 
                          water into his hand to wash his face, noticed the cuts 
                          burned, the bruises that hurt when he touched them. 
                          Not a pretty sight. Stood, swaying on his feet, wiped 
                          the knife and tugged it into the empty sheath in the 
                          small of his back. 
                        "That 
                          was my knife." Dan raised his brows while rifling 
                          through the last of the corpses. Kept everything useful, 
                          threw anything discriminating into the fire.  
                        Vadim 
                          grinned. "Past tense." Always good for a grammatical 
                          joke. 
                        Dan 
                          shrugged, he had more than two knives. "Ravine. 
                          There's one close by." Shaking his head at the 
                          other's unsteadiness. "Forget it." The fire 
                          gave enough light for a few steps, he'd get the bodies 
                          out of sight, to be disposed of in the morning. "You 
                          look like shit even in the darkness. Get the gore off 
                          you, I do the rest. It's fucking cold and I could do 
                          with some body heat." 
                        Vadim 
                          nodded, staggered over to the water hole, pulled water 
                          up, then undressed to wash. He was getting sick of his 
                          own stench, uniform, everything dirty, grimy, bloody, 
                          just being fucking alive meant to crawl through dirt 
                          and get dirtier by the minute. He hated the stubble 
                          in his face, his hair was too long, too, wanted to get 
                          shaved and clean and began to wash, blood, sweat, shit, 
                          everything, kept washing, would have loved a bath, sauna, 
                          or an extended swim because nothing else made him feel 
                          so clean.  
                        Dan 
                          shifted the first body onto his back, across his shoulders, 
                          trotting off to drop it behind a rock formation with 
                          smaller boulders nearby. It would have to do. Just had 
                          to wash the blood off the plateau before the sun brought 
                          out the stench. 
                        After 
                          washing his uniform, Vadim spread it out over rocks, 
                          hoping to catch some warmth the next day, then wrapped 
                          himself in one of the blankets, wool, smelly and scratchy, 
                          watched Dan carrying the corpses while he sat near the 
                          fire, soaking up warmth and trying to wind down.  
                        Dan 
                          was throwing buckets of water across the rock until 
                          he was satisfied it was clean enough until dawn when 
                          he could take a proper look. Stripped out of parka, 
                          tunic and shirt, started to wash himself. Blood on his 
                          clothes, mainly from the butchered one.  
                        "Thought 
                          you'd shoot me." 
                        Dan 
                          turned his head, shivering in the freezing cold. "I 
                          had to let you know it was me. Had to use Russian. Couldn't 
                          use anything else without raising suspicion." 
                        "Yeah, 
                          makes sense." Vadim clung to the canteen, drank 
                          more water, could feel his body soak it up.  
                        Unlacing 
                          his boots, Dan stepped out of them, the socks, then 
                          finally the trousers. Freezing his arse off, teeth chattering. 
                          Cold water and steaming breath, a bloody uncomfortable 
                          combination, but he had to wash whatever he could. 
                        "Been 
                          waiting ten days." Cleaning his cock, shrunk into 
                          itself in the cold, the usual attention on the foreskin, 
                          his back to the Russian.  
                        Vadim 
                          glanced at the ass in the light of the fire, saw the 
                          dark arms, bowed neck, the other was touching that cock, 
                          and he smiled, lips swollen, dry, cracked, but he smiled. 
                           
                        "Colour 
                          me surprised when you came with company." Dan turned 
                          round and smirked, drying himself with his shirt.  
                        "Not 
                          sure company's the word", Vadim murmured and forced 
                          himself to not look towards the bodies. "They gave 
                          me run for my money." He touched his face. "Not 
                          exactly great fans of my masculine beauty, those three." 
                        "You'll 
                          look even worse in the morning."  
                        "Thanks." 
                          Vadim shook his head, looked up when the other came 
                          close, crouched down and studied him in the fire, the 
                          embers prepared to last the night. Found it hard to 
                          answer that gaze. The Brit had risked his life, saved 
                          it, most likely, again, and Vadim felt a shudder course 
                          through his body. Somehow, the other always ended up 
                          with the upper hand in these mountains.  
                        "Makes 
                          a change. It's not my fault." Dan prodded the Russian 
                          to shift and let him under the blankets. It was cold. 
                          He was freezing. If he didn't get warm he could be dead 
                          by the morning. Necessity. 
                        Vadim 
                          let the other have the space he'd been heating up, naked 
                          himself. Wanted to touch him, wasn't sure what he wanted, 
                          wasn't sure it was sex, not quite sure he could be horny 
                          after this, too tired, no, shaken, wanted to lie there 
                          and stare at the sky. He lay on his back, stretched 
                          his legs out, raised his hands to look at the wrists. 
                          They'd look less raw in a few days, feel less tender. 
                          "No, not your fault", he murmured, belatedly. 
                          "For once, eh?" 
                        "Aye, 
                          for once." Dan let out a sound of pure pleasure 
                          when he felt the heat seep into his skin. Stretched 
                          out, then turned onto his side. Comfortable, the ground 
                          padded with some insulation the Mujas had left. Dark 
                          eyes studying pale skin as he rested his head on his 
                          elbow. "Didn't mean for this to happen." Dan 
                          paused, felt this odd sensation of 
 guilt. "Had 
                          no idea they were in this area. Too many fucking tribes 
                          and warlords." 
                        Vadim 
                          dropped his hands behind his back, elbows shielding 
                          his face while he fought the twitch in his face. He 
                          should be able to deal with it. Had been strong all 
                          the time. The last hours, though, while he had waited 
                          for the bullet, that had gotten to him. Nodded, inhaled 
                          deeply, then opened the elbows and rested the back of 
                          his head on his crossed arms. "My fault. Not paranoid 
                          enough. Not nearly enough." Too tired. Too defeated. 
                        Dan 
                          reached out, his hand rested on the other's abs, under 
                          the blankets. Felt heat creep from the skin, feeding 
                          it back again. "How long did they have you? You 
                          look like a fair few beatings at least." 
                        Vadim 
                          looked down at his body, tensed the muscle to keep that 
                          weight there, nice and snug. "Two days. Like weekend 
                          with in-laws, eh?" Tried a smile. "Bad food, 
                          and they hate you." 
                        Nodding, 
                          Dan's eyes narrowed, could just about imagine what it 
                          had been like. "I don't take kindly to those who 
                          try to take away from me what is mine." Quietly, 
                          surprising himself, then falling silent, moving even 
                          closer until skin was pressed against skin, sharing 
                          every ray of heat. 
                        Vadim 
                          turned his head, gave a smile, wanted to put an arm 
                          around the other, like he'd done with Platon, winced 
                          at the thought, but then, it was about warmth, right? 
                           
                        "I'd 
                          take your mind off," Dan murmured, "if you 
                          think it'd be successful. Feel all the shit is kind 
                          of my fault, even though you followed your cock, like 
                          I predicted. But fuck, so do I. Every time." 
                        Vadim 
                          didn't want to think about it, his face pulsed and hurt, 
                          and he reached out to the canteen and drank more, needed 
                          to get more water down to make up for what he'd lost. 
                          "All's fair in war, eh?" He turned, facing 
                          the other, pulled one arm from under his head and pushed 
                          it under Dan's head, hand to the back of his head, pulling 
                          him closer, close enough for a kiss, wanted to rest 
                          against the other's chest and thought how fucking stupid, 
                          no way he could get that from the Brit, he wasn't a 
                          child anymore. He didn't need this.  
                        Resistance 
                          in Dan's body, sudden tension, surprised at the closeness. 
                          Forced himself to relax slightly, nestled-cradled in 
                          the other's arms. Strange. Wrong. Confusing.  
                        Vadim 
                          released him, cursed himself for trying to get that 
                          close. "Ah, fuck. Take my mind off it. Fuck me. 
                          Whatever. Get me tired." 
                        "Fuck 
                          you?" Dan shifted, looked straight at the Russian, 
                          trying to figure out if he'd lost his marbles or had 
                          just been simply fucking crazy all along. "Does 
                          that mean you meant that, a month ago?"  
                        "Yeah, 
                          that's 
 what I meant." Vadim swallowed, closed 
                          his eyes, felt almost embarrassed. Had offered again. 
                          Seemed he had to finally accept the fact that he wanted 
                          the other to fuck him.  
                        Dan 
                          frowned. "How can you want that. That 
 thing." 
                        "Because 
                          it feels good", Vadim murmured. "I 
 
                          like it. I'd have to tell you how to do it, and we'd 
                          need something like 
 oil, but I like getting fucked." 
                          His jaw muscles tensed. "Not often. Not by 
 
                          you know. In army. Can't allow that." Fuck, difficult. 
                        Dan 
                          remained silent. Brows furrowing, thinking. Hard and 
                          long, trying to figure it out. Those Mujas already forgotten. 
                          Corpses. Starting to rot. No space nor time nor feelings 
                          for those who were gone. No thoughts for the dead, rarely 
                          for the living. 
                        "If 
                          you like it, and I guess you don't mean the way you 
                          did it to me, then why do you rape men? Plural," 
                          Dan snorted, "Don't think I was nor am the only 
                          one." He frowned, tried to get his head around 
                          the concept. "I don't get it. You doing it for 
                          the power? If not, for what else?" 
                        Vadim 
                          inhaled deeply. Fucking complicated. "I 
 
                          don't take no for answer", he murmured. "I 
                          want them, and I know I can't have them that way, so 
                          I force them. I don't want 
 anything long, just 
                          get rid of pressure. It's not always like that, it's 
                          risk every time, but 
 " Platon. He had been 
                          getting somewhere else with that one. Platon had resigned 
                          to the fact, had arranged acquiescence, even understanding, 
                          just somehow gotten his head around it.  
                        "And 
                          getting fucked? Power again, but in the reverse?" 
                        "Somebody 
                          fucking me 
 I don't know. It just feels good. 
                          Drives me insane. It's 
 different. Gets me deeper 
                          than other way. You know. Gets 
 under my skin." 
                          Of course deeper. What a shit way to describe it. 
                        Dan's 
                          hand moved along the abs, slid lower. "I understand 
                          power, need, not taking no for an answer, but I don't 
                          get it the other way round." He paused, "I'd 
                          fucking kill you if you tried to fuck me." His 
                          fingers tensing on the other's groin.  
                        Vadim 
                          smirked, took the hand and held it there, for a long 
                          moment, looked into the other's eyes. "Did you 
                          ever fuck a woman's ass? I know a fair deal of men who 
                          do that. Heard it's not that different. I 
 wouldn't 
                          know."  
                        Dan 
                          nodded, hovering between a grin and a frown. "Fucking 
                          bitches were hard to convince, wouldn't give up their 
                          precious holes. Was rarely worth the effort." Especially 
                          that last one, stupid giggling bimbo in her pink thong. 
                        Vadim 
                          moved closer, murmuring into the other's ear. "I 
                          heard guys are tighter, though, much tighter than women 
                          can offer. And I'd be hell of lot more willing to boot." 
                          The prospect aroused him, getting the other to do it. 
                          "You don't have to go gentle, or stop. All I'm 
                          asking is your hand around my cock, so I can cum." 
                        Dan 
                          tensed, every muscle telling the story of his mind, 
                          drawn to the prospect of willingness, anger, power, 
                          unleashed strength of a body that could take it. "You 
                          
 bitch." Murmured, breathless, addicted before 
                          the poison had been injected. "I don't understand 
                          why the fuck you want it, but I don't fucking care." 
                          His body had decided before he'd made a conscious decision. 
                          Wanted this. No holds barred. Bastard. "Your arse, 
                          my cock. Makes a change." 
                        Vadim 
                          inhaled again, but yes, he wanted that, wanted the other 
                          to try and fuck him, hard, preferably, a hard, intense 
                          fuck that would take his mind off dying. "Yes. 
                          I'll be tight. Didn't have guy like that for what, five 
                          years? Already that long." He released the other's 
                          hand, allowed it to roam free, his hands on the Brit's 
                          pecs, running down to the stomach, dead set on sex now, 
                          mostly as an alternative to something he couldn't have, 
                          and what did it matter anyway? Hands ran down to the 
                          groin, then moved on the ground to get his lips around 
                          the other's cock. Only to get him interested enough 
                          to perform. 
                        Dan's 
                          detached bemusement at the movement south soon turned 
                          into straightforward want. "Shit." Had been 
                          interested before, now demanding. "Don't you need 
                          some 
 stuff? You're a cunt, but 
," 
                          couldn't continue, too much friction and heat, "
 
                          but you don't drip." 
                        Vadim 
                          pulled back. "Yeah. Oil would be good. You got 
                          any? Those bitches took my kit, need to check what I 
                          have. Gun oil would do." He paused, feeling his 
                          hackles rise. 
                        "Gun 
                          oil 
," Dan lifted his head, looked down at 
                          the shape beneath the blankets, saw the face that looked 
                          like a butchered mess. Smirked, an unpleasant expression. 
                          Gun oil. Remembered. The smell, the feel and the disbelief. 
                          "Guess it's been tried and tested." Reached 
                          for his bergan, right beside his head, rummaged in one 
                          of the outer pockets and produced the bottle. "You 
                          want to get fucked?" His cock jumped against the 
                          Russkie's battered face. "You apply that stuff 
                          yourself since you've got experience."  
                        Vadim's 
                          brow darkened, but yes, fair enough, at least it would 
                          be enough oil that way. Opened the bottle, poured the 
                          stuff into his hand, much like he had done back then, 
                          could feel his heart pulse, hard, against his ribs. 
                          Shit. Did he really ... yes. Reached behind himself, 
                          rubbed the stuff between his cheeks, pushed a finger 
                          into the ring, didn't look at the other as he did that, 
                          slicking himself up like a whore, whatever, used more 
                          oil, pushed more in, made sure it was enough. 
                        The 
                          smell. Dan's nostrils flared. Memory. Two years ago. 
                          Kabul. Heat. Night. Pain and terror, disbelief. And 
                          above all the pungent smell of gun oil. He watched every 
                          movement and something inside of him was growing restless, 
                          awakening. Something, that made him snarl and bare his 
                          teeth when the other poured more oil into his palm and 
                          reached for Dan's cock, oiling him nice and slow, tip 
                          to balls. He had never fucked a man. Never been sober 
                          when fucking a woman's arse, and rarely been less than 
                          pissed when he'd been ramming his cock into a willing 
                          cunt. 
                        Never 
                          as willing as this cunt. He felt tension strumming 
                          through his body, each muscle ready, electrified, wanting 
                          to attack. Slaughter and kill; on the battle field, 
                          and 
  
                        Gun 
                          oil. 
                        Vadim 
                          turned around to present his back. Nervous, suddenly, 
                          wanted it and was nervous, after all, what the fuck, 
                          how could he trust him that much; yeah, he'd saved his 
                          life, not taken it several times, thought he should 
                          be safe, better than any soldier of his side. 
                        "No." 
                          Dan shoved against the other's back. "No fucking 
                          way. I've never fucked any cunt's arse other than on 
                          all fours. I won't fuck yours either."  
                        Vadim 
                          glanced over his shoulder. Just fucking lift that leg 
                          and do it. He inhaled, slowly, breathed the anger away. 
                          The other wanted him like he'd do his bitches, bent 
                          over like an animal. Too close for a moment to saying 
                          forget it. He rolled onto his hands and knees, body 
                          tense because he was helpless now, needed all limbs 
                          to support his weight, flanks open, cock easily attacked, 
                          and his muscles coiled. Cold. "Relax", he 
                          murmured, meaning more the other than himself, but it 
                          was appropriate, too much so. 
                        Hiding 
                          his surprise when the Russkie acquiesced, Dan got onto 
                          his own knees, threw the blankets haphazardly over their 
                          bodies, preserving some of the heat, never mind how 
                          much he'd produce. Sneered at the sight of the kneeling 
                          Russian. Arse, spread. Body, covered in bruises. Hole, 
                          slick with gun oil, like a cunt. A real cunt. This fucking 
                          bastard of a raping fucking Russian cunt. Dan growled 
                          in the back of his throat, kneeling behind him, taking 
                          hold of a flank, the other stroking his own cock. "Relax, 
                          aye. Like you should have told me to, you bastard." 
                        Gun 
                          oil. Flesh. And a muzzle against his head. 
                        "Don't 
                          tell me you didn't want this, bitch." No preliminaries, 
                          for neither. Dan treated the man like a pussy, guided, 
                          found, pushed relentlessly, half-breached the muscle, 
                          sneered, "Don't ever cry rape, cunt!" Used 
                          all his body strength, seized the other's hips with 
                          both hands, bit down on his tongue and rammed his cock 
                          viciously into that arse. No mercy. Bastard. Groaned 
                          and started to fuck like a motherfucking piston.  
                        Vadim's 
                          body tensed, unexpected, completely unexpected, should 
                          have known, fuck, the force hurt less than the words, 
                          he was strong enough to take it, a massive invading 
                          thing, like a fist to the guts, his body rushed into 
                          stress, fear, unexpected, coiling like he was getting 
                          beaten up again. Hadn't meant this, had wanted something 
                          else, and still, the invasion worked. Worked in sickening 
                          ways, hit him where he hadn't expected it, wondered 
                          if that was what had made Platon accept it, a deep, 
                          sickening pleasure that had no place here and still 
                          existed, he'd wanted this, asked for it, and the other 
                          only took him up on it, but this wasn't lust, not passion, 
                          this was something entirely dark. And still.  
                        Vadim 
                          groaned, suppressed the sounds after that, just breathed, 
                          forced himself to accept the humiliation, needed all 
                          his strength to move back, greet the thing he should 
                          run away from, should try to escape, but in some fucked 
                          up way it was what his body wanted now. Something inside, 
                          something that tried so hard to break him it could make 
                          him forget. Pushed back, face twisted, as if he was 
                          in pain, and he was, in several ways, and still. Touched 
                          him right there, the force told him it was alright, 
                          he could agree to this, a force he couldn't muster now 
                          by himself and merely had to take and endure. 
                        Dan 
                          fucked with all his strength. At first hatred, revenge, 
                          with every thrust forcing his cock into the other's 
                          body. Invading, punishing each time his hips crushed 
                          against that arse. Muscles against muscles, body against 
                          body, and man against man.  
                        But 
                          he didn't come. Couldn't. Not in the middle of anger, 
                          neither in taking his revenge, brutalising the body 
                          at his mercy. The body that could still turn the table 
                          and rape him again; that could kill him as much as he 
                          could kill in return. Dan groaned again, sounds torn 
                          from his chest; eyes fixed on the body that fought without 
                          seeming to fight. Matching strength with strength and 
                          taking the impossible force despite beaten-up body. 
                           
                        Anger 
                          and thrusts slowing, hands taking over, roaming. Closer, 
                          ever closer to release with every time he drove forward, 
                          pulled back out of tightness and oil-slicked heat, only 
                          to bury himself even deeper into this damned willing 
                          body that refused to give in, that just took, accepted, 
                          but still with that same strength. Impressed despite 
                          himself, in return his hands impressing, subconsciously 
                          avoiding bruises, clutching flesh, kneading muscle. 
                           
                        Vadim 
                          closed his eyes as he felt the shift, that 
 impossible 
                          shift that happened with Dan, like the moment of truth 
                          when it had all been the other way round. He understood, 
                          suddenly, physically, understood, and he would have 
                          fought the touches, but they were good now, now that 
                          the other touched him, really did, on purpose, took 
                          his cock that was straining despite the pain, despite 
                          the force and because of it. 
                        Dan 
                          was finding his own rhythm. Hand and strokes and arse 
                          and cock and body. Cruelty turned into aggression; revenge 
                          into lust. Fucked him, took him, wanted him. "My 
                          
" so close, fucking close to coming, "my 
                          cunt." 
                        Vadim 
                          fell into the rhythm, fluid, body became one, wasn't 
                          his anymore, was the other's, his mind fell into a place 
                          where everything was calm, serene, and quiet, like under 
                          the surface of an ocean. He wanted to reach behind and 
                          knew he couldn't shift his weight that much, instead 
                          tensed his ass, moved into the hand, completely taking 
                          what was offered, given, no better knowledge, no humiliation, 
                          he existed in the right time, place, and circumstances. 
                          Everything felt more right than it had been for ages, 
                          something like fifteen years. Or about two. 
                        For 
                          Dan, nothing was swift nor negligent this time. Unlike 
                          the hand jobs, the biting, the quick and angry encounters. 
                          Anger, too, but a physical one, discarding the mental 
                          resentment. Thrusts in sync, riding the new-found rhythm, 
                          hard and relentless, inherently smooth. Cock, hand, 
                          bodies, all one, all rushing towards release, until 
                          the sensation of tightness became overwhelming. The 
                          last few thrusts were erratic, even harder, desperate. 
                          Crashed over the edge, suddenly, brutally, letting out 
                          sounds that bore no meaning. Dan was shuddering, gripped 
                          by a body and by release. 
                        Vadim 
                          pushed up until the last moment, couldn't quite come, 
                          Dan came and Vadim loved that, loved the despair in 
                          it, the way the other lost it, but he himself couldn't 
                          quite get there, not physically, so shifted his weight, 
                          splayed the fingers of his left hand wider, felt his 
                          shoulder groan as he reached for his cock and pumped 
                          it, hard and fast, just as brutal as Dan had done it. 
                          Came without a second thought, groaning, head lowered, 
                          neck tense, whole body taut, the wet sticky hand returning 
                          to its place to support his weight, but he couldn't 
                          hold it, just dropped to the ground, panting hard, slick 
                          with sweat. "Oh fuck 
" 
                        Dan 
                          was too dazed to notice much, just the sounds and the 
                          scent of cum overpowering even the gun oil. Cock far 
                          from softening yet, but slipping out when the body under 
                          him collapsed. Didn't think, just seized blankets, threw 
                          them over sweat, sperm, oil and heat, and let himself 
                          fall down beside the other, rolling onto his back. Breathing. 
                          Heart beat racing and aftershocks still shaking his 
                          body. "Yeah 
 fuck."  
                        Vadim 
                          was on his stomach, hands just near his body, shoulders 
                          couldn't take any more twisting, any more abuse. Body 
                          burning, like embers, to ashes, burning out, cooling, 
                          like the sweat on his body. His ass hurt in a strange 
                          way, good at any rate, but nobody had done it like that 
                          
 more care, more respect, tenderness, this was 
                          not what people did to him, but what he did, and he 
                          could feel a strange thing, like being vulnerable, exposed, 
                          much worse than a stretched throat under a knife. Deeper. 
                           
                        Dan 
                          closed his eyes, wasn't thinking. Existing. Sated. Breathing, 
                          just breathing, more than merely physically content. 
                          Hand sought out the other's body, rested somewhere on 
                          sweat and oil slicked skin. Said nothing for a long 
                          while, eyes closed. 
                        Vadim 
                          didn't know what to make of the touch apart from remaining 
                          there, close to sleep, but not falling into it. Something 
                          inside was racing, and thinking, realizing things. He 
                          liked the pain. He did like it. He wanted this, had 
                          wanted it, from start to finish. He pressed his eyes 
                          shut. Damn you. 
                        Dan 
                          started to move at last, braved his way out of the heat 
                          beneath the blankets, hissing at the sudden shock of 
                          cold. Walked to the bucket, the rag that the other had 
                          used, washed himself before tending to the fire, and 
                          taking the freshly wrung rag and the bucket back to 
                          where the Russian was lying.  
                        "Here." 
                          Set them down beside the other, crawled once more under 
                          the blankets. Felt odd. Almost protective. Possessive, 
                          as if he had to take care, now, as if by naming the 
                          nameless he had made it his. His cunt. His Russian. 
                          His 
 if only the fuck he knew.  
                        "Yeah, 
                          thanks." Vadim sat up, one sticky mess, cleaned 
                          up, the sweat first, felt his body deal with the shock 
                          Dan had dealt it, muscles coiling, testing if he was 
                          alright. He was. Washed himself, shifted away from the 
                          wet spot that cooled now, moved closer, relaxed now 
                          and still 
 something inside him gnawing on the 
                          problem. "Worked for me", he said, hardly 
                          more than breathing. 
                        "I 
                          guessed that." Dan answered, lying on his side, 
                          facing the other. Not a hint of the earlier nastiness 
                          in his voice. "Not sure if I get it, but I guess 
                          it doesn't matter." One-sided shrug, reaching again 
                          to the bergan, pulling his headscarf out, draping it 
                          over the wet spot. "You were right, though." 
                        Vadim 
                          acknowledged the scarf and settled, lying on his back, 
                          feeling his body hot and relaxing, stretched out, arms 
                          behind his head again. "Right? About me being tight?" 
                          He looked to the side, irony in his eyes. "I guess. 
                          It's good to let it all go, control, that shit." 
                        "Aye," 
                          Dan nodded, shuffled closer. Preserving body heat. "That, 
                          and the other thing. Your body. It can take more. Fucking 
                          amazing." Pulled his face into a grin while reaching 
                          behind his back to search for one of the energy bars. 
                          Found peanut butter and strawberry, dropped the first 
                          in front of the Russian's face, started on the latter. 
                          "Can't break you. Didn't know a fuck could be so 
                          mind-blowing."  
                        "Break 
                          me?" Vadim gave a dry laugh, while his skin crawled. 
                          You can't break me because I enjoy it. Breaking would 
                          mean pain, more pain than I can take, but this was all 
                          good, too good, getting off on the brutal force and 
                          what would have reduced most people to tears.  
                        "Aye." 
                          Dan was chewing in the back of Vadim's neck, grinning. 
                          "Breaking, as in girly bimbo china doll and I got 
                          to be careful. With you I don't. You can take it." 
                        "I'm 
                          spetsnaz. Of course I can. I like it rough." Understatement 
                          of the year. Vadim took the bar, glad he could do something 
                          with his hands. "Quite different, eh?" Just 
                          shut up, Vadim, and think. Don't let him know too much. 
                          Know more than he already did? Hardly possible. 
                        "Different 
                          to girls. Better." Dan bit off another piece, savoured 
                          the sticky sweetness. "Even though I wanted to 
                          hurt you at first. Really hurt you." Swallowed, 
                          shrugged, "that changed." 
                        Vadim 
                          drew a shuddering breath. I know, he thought. If you'd 
                          had a knife, you'd have cut me open just to see your 
                          cock come out the other side. Closed his eyes briefly. 
                          "I guess 
 you understand something about 
                          me now." How much I want to hurt, and break, and 
                          what I felt for you when I made you my victim. 
                        Dan's 
                          chewing stopped all of a sudden, even forgot to swallow. 
                          "Bull's eye." Quietly, no inflexion. That 
                          one had gone straight in and to the core. He finally 
                          swallowed that last bite, remaining silent for a long 
                          time, so close to the other's body, they almost touched. 
                          Pathetic that token space between them. "I don't 
                          know if you want to get fucked as 'payment' for what 
                          you've done, but whatever it is, I don't want it." 
                           
                        "Not 
                          payment. Not 
 making 
 not changing it. I 
                          want it because it feels good." Vadim answered. 
                          Because I can lose myself and don't have to fight. Shivered 
                          with the touch, a good way, intense again, but not sexual. 
                          They'd had that. Something close, but not the same thing. 
                           
                        Dan 
                          crossed the minute distance, said nothing. Body touching 
                          body and skin to skin. Voice barely more than a murmur, 
                          his intensity needed no volume. "Don't fuck me 
                          again." 
                        "I'd 
                          kill to have you, still same, I'd lie if I made any 
                          promises", murmured Vadim. 
                        Dan 
                          nodded, forehead lightly hitting the back of the other's 
                          head in the movement. "OK. The rules are clear. 
                          You'd kill for my arse, I'd kill you for my arse. I 
                          can live with that." Too sated to get riled up 
                          about anything. His hand coming up to rest on the other's 
                          hip. Had done it before, almost two years ago. Almost 
                          as close as he had been when inside that body - or closer? 
                        Vadim 
                          smirked. Chose not to mention how good it could feel 
                          and that things could be quite different, if he chose 
                          to make them different. "Rules 
 rules are 
                          good." He laid back, turned on his side and felt 
                          the other closer than strictly necessary for preserving 
                          heat. It worked fine. Naked bodies. Wool.  
                        Dan 
                          yawned. Tired now, exhausted and physically content. 
                          "Will check your bruises tomorrow." 
                        "I'll 
                          be stiff, but nothing serious", murmured Vadim. 
                          "Bones are fine. We did check that." He gave 
                          a toneless laugh. 
                        Vadim 
                          wanted to reach out and touch, felt good now, better, 
                          body realizing it was over, and there was no more danger, 
                          no more things to defend against. That man was like 
                          a tropical thunderstorm, he thought. The very heart 
                          of thunderstorms, not the rumble and flash, but a proper, 
                          all-encompassing, world-will-end thunderstorm. Even 
                          better when it had ended.  
                        Another 
                          yawn, and Dan burrowed even closer, without thinking. 
                          A body, heat. Touching. He fell asleep in an instant. 
                          Rifle close by, knife beside his head, chest pressed 
                          against the other's scarred back and his hand resting 
                          on Vadim's hip. 
                        * 
                          * * 
                        It 
                          was getting towards dawn when Dan woke up. Refreshed 
                          and rested, a dreamless sleep close to unconsciousness. 
                          No thoughts of the lives they had taken, only memories 
                          of a body he had possessed. He grinned, stretched slowly, 
                          revelling in the shared heat, which made a bloody difference 
                          from the previous ten nights. Reluctant to rouse the 
                          other, he crept out of the blankets, tugged them back 
                          down around the sleeping man and slipped into his clothes. 
                          It was bloody freezing out there, but he'd got used 
                          to the climate. The mountains had become a friend, a 
                          dangerous one, no longer an enemy.  
                        Stoking 
                          the fire, he refilled the battered tin pot he used for 
                          cooking, prepared it to boil with a handful of tea leaves 
                          and a large chunk of honey comb he'd managed to get 
                          on one of the villages' markets. He'd prefer coffee, 
                          but the sweetened tea would have to do.  
                        Dan 
                          was careful, convinced they were alone but checking 
                          the grounds before tending to the corpses. Sure, the 
                          other had offered to help, but he preferred to deal 
                          with it himself. The battered Russkie needed sleep more 
                          than carrying a blood encrusted corpse that was begging 
                          for flies once the spring sun spread some warmth. He 
                          was still wondering about the way the fucker had freaked 
                          and stabbed the Muja like a madman. Whatever. Figured 
                          it was because all of those Russians were crazy bastards. 
                        Dan 
                          carried one lifeless body after the other, disposing 
                          all three in a deep ravine fairy close by, while thinking 
                          of the night before. Couldn't get his head around the 
                          idea of wanting to get fucked, become the bitch of another 
                          man and willingly turn oneself into a dripping cunt, 
                          but hey, he didn't argue. Wanted that body again.  
                        Damn. 
                        Dan 
                          returned to the cave, checked the sleeping bundle beneath 
                          the blankets, shrugged with a grin and took a good long 
                          piss before going on shovel recce - without a shovel. 
                          Wouldn't do any good digging a shitting hole into the 
                          rocks. Had found a comfy sport instead that kept smell 
                          and sight hidden, and the flies away. Once back at fire 
                          and camp, he stripped down to his trousers and boots, 
                          thoroughly cleaned his hands, washed his face and chest 
                          and figured he'd do the rest later when it got warmer. 
                          Shrugged back into the parka, didn't bother with a shirt, 
                          and checked the water. Good, the tea was merrily boiling 
                          away. 
                        He 
                          poured the honey sweetened brew into his one and only 
                          tin cup, Dan moved towards the blanket bundle, crouched 
                          down, grinning with teeth bared. "Oi, sleeping 
                          beauty. Wake up." Waving the tea in front of the 
                          other's nose. 
                        * 
                          * * 
                        The 
                          smell. Wet hot smell, steam. Ground hard under his elbow, 
                          ribs, hip, knee. Sunlight. Late. Vadim came round, felt 
                          like he had to shake off a blanket of lead, emerged. 
                          First glance went to the wrist, no watch, the Volkov 
                          had been taken. Later than five. First time in ages 
                          that he overslept.  
                        Hadn't 
                          dreamt, was grateful for that, it would have been about 
                          being beaten up or about the gaping, black hole in Platon's 
                          neck. Vadim looked at the mug, then the wrist, the grinning 
                          face. Right. Sat up and scratched his neck, hair too 
                          long there, could feel his body protest, inside, and 
                          shoulders, and thought fuck, that's what I did to take 
                          the dreams away. He nodded and took the mug, blew on 
                          it. "Sleeping who?" 
                        "Beauty." 
                          Dan smirked, sat down on the ground on a corner of the 
                          blanket, legs crossed. "Seems you overdid the make-up 
                          somewhat, princess. Especially the blue-black and green 
                          eye shadow. Oh, you should do something about that swelling. 
                          Isn't a good look on anyone."  
                        Vadim 
                          glanced up. "Yeah. That makes me Princess Aurora 
                          and you would be Prince Desire. Fuck you." Tchaikovsky. 
                          Ballet. The Sleeping Beauty. He'd rather die than admit 
                          he had liked ballet in a time when his father had tried 
                          to drum some culture into him. Taking the Bolshoi with 
                          him on Afghanistan tour was just not an option. One 
                          of the things that were better left at home. He'd always 
                          wondered about that story though. Absolutely stunning 
                          girl, asleep, not awake, and all the guy did was kiss 
                          her when he could have it all? No fucking way.  
                        Dan 
                          laughed, let the other drink before holding his hand 
                          out to have a sip himself. Precious, the sweetened tea, 
                          he had meant to keep the honeycomb for a special occasion. 
                          Yeah, fuck, seemed this was one. They weren't trying 
                          to kill each other on their 'first morning'. 
                        Vadim 
                          brought his hand up and touched his face. Okay. If he 
                          looked as bad as that felt, he'd look pretty bad even 
                          in a week. His skin always did the whole colour set, 
                          black, blue, purple, several great shades of red. "Could 
                          use bag of ice, just bit late for that." 
                        "I 
                          can still get you some." Dan shrugged, gestured 
                          with his chin towards the rocks. "Might not do 
                          much, but better than nothing. You'll need a damn good 
                          story to explain your pretty looks." Smirked again, 
                          took a few sips of the tea, handed it back.  
                        "Close 
                          combat, got a rifle sandwich for my troubles, but I 
                          killed them. Spetsnaz are just that good." Vadim 
                          snorted. 
                        Dan 
                          nodded, glancing towards the back of the cave. "I 
                          got rid of the Mujas. Everything worth anything is stored 
                          over there." 
                        Vadim 
                          had some more tea before standing, walked over to his 
                          packs, found the spare pair of uniform trousers, a pair 
                          of socks, and his boots, got halfway dressed, then walked 
                          up to the dushman's stuff. Any kind of ID would be interesting. 
                          Dug into their kit, plenty of beef jerky, dried fruits, 
                          rolls of Afghani, one of which he pocketed, tossed the 
                          other on the ground.  
                        "Expenses", 
                          Vadim murmured, found a bag of raw opium, weighed that 
                          in his hand for a moment. "Bakshish." He tossed 
                          that on the ground as well.  
                        Dan 
                          was watching, eyes growing narrower with every item 
                          that came out of the packs. He had a fair idea what 
                          they'd contain, but fuck, he'd been careless. Should 
                          have checked them first. Idiot, Dan, bloody idiot! Ruled 
                          by your cock just as much as the other. 
                        Vadim 
                          dug deeper, touched paper, felt like 
 a map. Notes 
                          on it, an old Soviet map, probably prospecting map, 
                          they were still using these, based on last century's 
                          maps. "Shit." A bundle of letters, papers, 
                          looked like correspondence, stuff for warlords, tribal 
                          leaders. Jackpot. Glanced up to check where the Brit 
                          was. 
                        Dan 
                          stood and walked over. "No fucking way." 
                        Vadim 
                          put the map down, breathed. Stayed relaxed, because 
                          that was the only way he had a chance to surprise the 
                          other. I'd hate to kick some sense into you, he thought, 
                          and that thought shouldn't be here. This was still work, 
                          and if he could return with a prize like that, he'd 
                          come home as a victor. Could jump him now, could attack 
                          him, wrestle. And then? He stood, took one step back 
                          to get into neutral distance. "I need those." 
                          Should fight for them, he could win. 
                        Dan 
                          shook his head. "You want to get me killed?" 
                          Eyes narrowed, immediate change from grinning, relaxed 
                          bloke to steel-sharp special forces soldier. "You 
                          take that map back, the letters, and what are the chances 
                          the next time I deal with my Mujas, turn a corner, only 
                          to stand in front of a whole troop of bloody Russians?" 
                          Shit. Shit! He should have checked the packs. His own 
                          fault. Fucking idiot. Body tensing, readying for the 
                          fight, set to win. "I want to survive, dickhead. 
                          You take that stuff, chances are I'm dead." 
                        Vadim 
                          felt strange to see the other bristle with determination. 
                          Valid point. Both. "Could check what's in them", 
                          he ventured, slowly, offering a treaty. One problem: 
                          He still didn't know enough of the language. The other 
                          could trick him. Probably would trick him. One thing 
                          to fuck, another to be stupid. He stepped away, offering 
                          the pack, sat down on a nearby rock. "Had my dose 
                          of smashed face for week. Lucky you." 
                        Dan 
                          nodded, the tension remained, but disaster avoided - 
                          for now. Taking the pack he started to read the missives, 
                          frowned more with each of them, shook his head. Getting 
                          to the map, he checked over the remarks, comments, pointers 
                          and names. Tilted his head, thinking, folded the map 
                          back up at last, turning towards the other. "Take 
                          the map. It has information, but nothing that would 
                          get me killed." Perhaps others, but hell, he didn't 
                          give a fuck, wasn't their keeper. 
                        "The 
                          correspondence is off limits. Knock me out when I'm 
                          asleep or beat me unconscious, take the letters and 
                          have them translated and next time you want a fuck you'll 
                          have to use a piece of my rotting flesh as a hole, or 
                          fuck yourself on a smashed-up bone instead of my cock." 
                          He walked over, dropped the map in the other's hands, 
                          holding the letters and notes in the other. "Understood?" 
                        Vadim 
                          took the map. The KGB would love this. Then glanced 
                          at the other's hand. Instinct fighting instinct, would 
                          love to get his hands around the throat of the sniper 
                          that had shot Platon. "Burn the shit", he 
                          breathed, speaking Russian. Because I can't promise 
                          I won't try to take them. This way, I'm not even tempted. 
                          This way I can't think I should have.  
                        "What 
                          else do you think I had intended." No more words. 
                          Dan turned instead, threw the first letter onto the 
                          fire, the others swiftly following. Watched the Russkie's 
                          movements from the corner of his eyes. 
                        Vadim 
                          folded the map and slipped it into his pocket, then 
                          stood again, glanced up at the mountain, and began to 
                          climb in the search for ice and snow. Three hundred 
                          yards, a nice morning exercise. It was cold up there, 
                          and his chest was pounding, hurting in the thin air. 
                        Dan 
                          stood, bare chest wrapped into his parka, hands in the 
                          pockets of his camo trousers. "What the fuck do 
                          you think you are doing?" Shaking his head, watching 
                          the half-naked Russian in the snow. "Butt-fuck 
                          crazy Russkie!" 
                        Vadim 
                          took two hands of snow, a thin layer of dust covered 
                          the snow here so close to the rocks, scraped the dirt 
                          off, placed his face into the cold. He was fucking freezing, 
                          but boy, it eased the pounding. Cold water ran down 
                          his wrists, and he allowed the cold to bite and then 
                          to subside, cooled his face, then washed his chest with 
                          snow, cooled the bruises, then started with his face 
                          again. Wouldn't make much of a difference, the injuries 
                          were too old already, but never mind. Should have cooled 
                          the worst with a knife blade. Shit.  
                        He 
                          sat down, shivering, used more snow. If he was the bitch, 
                          he'd do what the other wanted. He took it up the ass, 
                          meant he was the bitch, right? Not so simple, somehow, 
                          even when it was. How far away was that from treason? 
                          Allowing him to burn military intelligence? "I'm 
                          in trouble", Vadim murmured, tossed the melting 
                          snow away and began to walk back. 
                        Dan 
                          was sitting on one of the packs, close to the fire, 
                          drinking tea and preparing food. He had given up on 
                          the obviously insane fucker, who'd been spending all 
                          the time lying in the snow instead of scooping some 
                          up in a bucket. Looking up when Vadim reappeared. "Eat." 
                          Didn't mention anything else, just pointed to the dried 
                          fruit, nuts, beef jerky and the bubbling tea. 
                        Vadim 
                          was starting to feel warm, still wrapped a blanket around 
                          his shoulders. "Yessir." He gave a dry huff, 
                          took handfuls of the stuff and began to eat. "Which 
                          tribe are you working with? Pashtuns, right?" Paused, 
                          looked up, surprised he would actually ask the question. 
                          But then, how much could he prove when he returned? 
                          As long as it wasn't about tactics and locations - and 
                          they already knew a fair deal about the tactics.  
                        Dan 
                          shook his head. "I don't want to talk about my 
                          orders with you. The less you know the better, alright?" 
                          Taking a handful of nuts, offering some to the other 
                          while chewing. 
                        "They 
                          hate everybody, those fuckers. Russian, Soviet, British. 
                          If you don't do allahu akhbar and aren't blood-related, 
                          they'll cut your throat", said Vadim. 
                        "Whoever 
                          I work with isn't too bad." Dan shrugged, conveniently 
                          forgot the dozen or so of times when he had thought 
                          he wouldn't make it out of a warlord's territory alive. 
                          Sometimes brandishing letters and names and having local 
                          knowledge didn't work. "They let me be and vice 
                          versa. Simple rules, if one of their women saw any of 
                          my naked flesh while washing, I'd probably not manage 
                          to get the soap off before I'd find myself cut into 
                          strips." He grinned wryly. "Strange world, 
                          but it's theirs, not mine. Got to accept that while 
                          I'm here." Finished off the tea, before he suddenly 
                          started to laugh. "I sound like a fucking politician. 
                          Truth is, I personally don't give a shit about those 
                          goat-fuckers and their fucking beliefs, but I do follow 
                          my orders." 
                        "Then 
                          it's orders that are wrong. You westerners try to make 
                          this hell for us. Europe and America. Just look at any 
                          map. Europe and Asia. Connected, right? There's nothing 
                          between Slavs and Europeans, just 
 open plain. 
                          Made it easy for tanks, but also keeps mind open." 
                        "Bullshit." 
                          Dan shook his head. "You make it as much hell for 
                          us as we make it for you. You and your ultimate neglect 
                          of human life." He shrugged. "Seems I don't 
                          even give a shit about that either."  
                        "That's 
                          not what I mean", said Vadim. "American continent. 
                          Oceans east and west of it. They live in their own little 
                          world. Not connected. Very far away." 
                        Dan 
                          threw a handful of nuts down his neck, chewing. "Americans 
                          are fucking arsewipes. Friendly fire and nothing else, 
                          but that's me, a British squaddie talking. We're not 
                          quite cheek to cheek, despite what you think." 
                        "My 
                          point is, they can't understand Asia. Last time they 
                          tried, was Vietnam." 
                        Dan 
                          was stoking the fire. "You got a point. They don't, 
                          we don't either. I don't even understand you. Out of 
                          curiosity, do you understand me?" 
                        Vadim 
                          smirked. "You speak my language. That's start." 
                          He reached for the dried fruit and rolled a piece of 
                          apple between first finger and thumb. "And I speak 
                          your language. I had culture classes. Information is 
                          limited, but I've seen movies. Read books, for authentic 
                          language, to keep my skills. You must know about Soviets. 
                          You can't learn a language without understanding. Concepts 
                          behind words, thoughts." 
                        Dan 
                          shrugged. "I do." Chewed with delight on a 
                          piece of dried fruit. "And did. Learning languages 
                          without learning what's behind. It's just what I do." 
                          Shrugging again, he stuffed a couple more fruits between 
                          his lips. "Does it matter?" Speaking with 
                          a full mouth. 
                        Vadim 
                          regarded him for a minute, let another pass. They did 
                          these things without understanding them? It was like 
                          playing chess without understanding the mind of the 
                          opponent, playing it without soul, purely mechanical. 
                          The game didn't matter to them. It was about winning. 
                          This man hadn't been trained to do this, it was an accident, 
                          him knowing Russian. "Guess it doesn't matter", 
                          he acknowledged. "Many ways to go to Rome, yes? 
                          How did you pick up Russian? It's difficult." 
                          Vadim stood and moved even closer to the fire, a cold 
                          in him that was difficult to get rid of, his sore and 
                          swollen flesh demanding rest, above all else. 
                        "Well, 
                          aye, it's not quite like that." Dan swallowed another 
                          round of fruit, then went for the dried meat, stewing 
                          away on the fire. "Not with Russian anyway, though 
                          it's pretty much as I said."  
                        Vadim 
                          looked up, quizzically. 
                        Dan 
                          realised he was talking in riddles and suppressed a 
                          smirk, trying again, wiping his lips before looking 
                          at the other. "I have this knack. I hear languages 
                          and if I hear them long enough and get a few pointers 
                          they kind of make sense to me. That's why I understand 
                          and speak Pushtu and Dari. Comes easy, it's like fucking." 
                          He smirked, "not something I ever had to learn." 
                        No, 
                          the strength and the force was all there, thought Vadim, 
                          and felt a shiver course through his body. How odd. 
                          Comparing a language to something the body did, not 
                          the mind. I picked up Russian, I fucked a Russian - 
                          that was what it translated to. He rubbed his arms over 
                          the blanket, tried for some friction to get the blood 
                          going, but it felt sluggish and dark and slow in his 
                          body. Exhausted. Healing.  
                        Deciding 
                          that the meat was just fine, Dan fished a piece out 
                          and began to chew, thoughtful for a while, but still 
                          watching the Russkie. He could see how cold the other 
                          man was. "Russian was a bit different. I went for 
                          books, tapes, the lot. They told me I'd get more interesting 
                          missions if I'd become fluent." He shrugged, "so 
                          I did." Finishing off his meat, pointing to the 
                          rest, trying to get some of it down Vadim. 
                        Vadim 
                          nodded. "I learnt English for Montreal. Chinese 
                          at officer's academy. Tadjik in my last posting. Some 
                          German at officer's academy, but I don't use it, so 
                          it's leaving." When Dan finished off the meat and 
                          offered him his share, Vadim didn't feel hungry, knew 
                          he needed to eat, and found it hard to bring himself 
                          to do it. He shouldn't talk that much. He was behaving 
                          like a faggot, really, the kind of effeminate bastard 
                          that spilt the beans after sex. Still enemies. He found 
                          it hard to believe himself, slipped too easily into 
                          trust. "I will eat later", he murmured. "Tea 
                          would be good now." 
                        Dan 
                          wiped his lips again, nodded and pointed to the pot. 
                          "Tea's been boiling for a while. Got another piece 
                          of honeycomb, should be sweet and strong." He tilted 
                          his head, studying the other with increased intensity 
                          for a moment, then moved off his pack to crouch beside 
                          the fire. "You look like shit." Poured the 
                          tin mug full of the sweetened tea, handed it over. "Death 
                          warmed over, except, that you don't seem to be particularly 
                          warm." Baring his teeth momentarily into a semblance 
                          of a grin. 
                        Vadim 
                          cradled the mug, soaked up the heat. The mockery sounded 
                          like banter. Nothing aggressive about it. Nothing too 
                          bad. He grinned back, eyes narrowing a touch, but he 
                          just couldn't help thinking how that same easy-going 
                          guy had fucked him. That intensity.  
                        Dan 
                          stood up, smirking. "I'd suggest another fuck to 
                          warm you up but A I'm beat and B you don't seem to be 
                          up for it."  
                        Vadim 
                          swallowed, wondered if he was up for it, in theory, 
                          in practice, pile more pain on top of this last one, 
                          more on top of the beating. "I'm not much of challenge 
                          right now." Didn't like the thought, at all. Offering 
                          was one thing, the inability to defend himself something 
                          different. If he was the bitch, that meant the other 
                          called the shots. When, where, how. He couldn't accept 
                          that. Even though he wanted the sex. "Maybe tomorrow. 
                          We can rest. Share 
 heat. Just that. Heat." 
                        Dan 
                          spotted another mug tied to the outside of Vadim's pack 
                          and bent down to get it. "What," he smirked, 
                          "snuggling? Like poofs, girlies and faggots do?" 
                          One thing to fuck a man, another to want to hold him, 
                          touch body, share heat, feel skin. Want. Fuck, no. 
                        That's 
                          it, thought Vadim, realizing it with the closest thing 
                          to horror. He wanted touch. Wouldn't get it. Wouldn't 
                          ask for it, and it wouldn't just happen. Why? He knew, 
                          of course, being demoralized, hurting all over, face, 
                          body, ass, forfuckssake, only touch he'd get was that 
                          man pounding against him. "Didn't say that." 
                           
                        "I 
                          thought we were about fucking, mate, not cuddling." 
                        And 
                          I thought we were about survival. Vadim snorted. "We 
                          have shared heat before. Nothing new."  
                        Dan 
                          shrugged. "That was different." He was back 
                          at the fire and pouring himself a tea. Couldn't help 
                          but notice how cold the other was.  
                        Vadim 
                          drank the hot tea, body tense and pulled together to 
                          preserve heat. But he was cold from inside - everything 
                          that wasn't a throbbing mess was cold. "How much 
                          time do you have? I'm on patrol, officially." 
                        "I 
                          have as much time as I want." Not quite, but it 
                          felt like it. "Your patrol, how much time is that?" 
                          Dan went back to his bergan, sat down once more and 
                          sipped the strong, hot liquid, glancing over. That man 
                          was shivering, even trembling with cold. Body heat, 
                          aye, he could do that. Just not like faggots did. 
                        "A 
                          few weeks. Map will help explain what I did. As long 
                          as I make up good story for each day, I am safe, but 
                          I need to cover distance, will be expected to be at 
                          
 somewhere, eventually." Remember to keep 
                          things vague, Vadim. "Will have to march faster." 
                          Yeah, beaten up and fucked like you are, Vadim thought. 
                          Couldn't get warm. Think warm thoughts, yeah, how fucking 
                          funny. He just hoped he hadn't caught something, an 
                          illness, a fever, hoped it was just the body's response 
                          to the bruises. He'd kill to be able to sweat it out 
                          in a sauna.  
                        Dan 
                          sneered, "In your state? You'd make a great Oympionite, 
                          as fucked up as you are." Steadily working on his 
                          tea, he welcomed the caffeine buzz and the honey was 
                          exactly what he needed. Sugar-rush, he'd never get enough 
                          of that. 
                        Vadim 
                          drank more tea, then settled on the ground, almost curled 
                          around the fire. He didn't care. Couldn't care. It was 
                          getting warmer, he was starting to sweat, but there 
                          was still cold, too much of it. Sleep it out, he thought. 
                        Dan 
                          shook his head after a few minutes, finished his tea 
                          and stood up unceremoniously. "Faggoty or not, 
                          you look like shit and you're going to kill yourself 
                          in the mountains if you don't get back in shape. Who 
                          would I fuck with, then?" Nodding towards the cave 
                          and the pile of blankets. "Want to get warm? Come 
                          on, then." 
                        Vadim 
                          forced his body up, took the blanket, gathered his bergan, 
                          more dragging than carrying it, but that was where knife 
                          and gun were, and followed the other. Dan never looked 
                          back, but stopped near the entrance, waiting for him 
                          to get settled. Dazed, Vadim wondered about the closeness, 
                          the proximity, and whether the other would fuck him 
                          for it. Not much he could do about it, not in his state, 
                          but he couldn't allow it, not when the Brit was in control. 
                          He lay down, laboriously, face turned towards the open 
                          space, bergan under his head, blanket around his shoulders, 
                          legs pulled up. Who would I fuck with, then. 
                          Who indeed. 
                        Dan 
                          was still standing, still watching, and still debating 
                          a few things that he figured he shouldn't want nor like 
                          and sure as fuck not actually do. But this was about 
                          survival, and what if the Russkie died? Not easy to 
                          find another fuck in this place. The Afghan mountains 
                          weren't really a teeming market of willing male flesh. 
                          "Right, then." He dragged his own bergan close, 
                          set it behind the other's head. As good a pillow as 
                          any. Getting down onto his knees, he pulled the second 
                          blanket close and wrapped it around himself before shuffling 
                          behind the Russian, figuring it wouldn't do any good 
                          if he stayed too far away.  
                        He 
                          ended up so close, his entire front was pressed against 
                          Vadim's back, the blankets tightly around them. "What 
                          the fuck am I going to do with my arms, now?" Dan 
                          muttered, awkward, there wasn't any way he could rest 
                          his arm except on the other man. Shit, that looked and 
                          felt to all intents and purposes like cuddling after 
                          all. "Whatever." Muttered again, dropped his 
                          hand on Vadim's flank. 
                        Vadim's 
                          eyelids, too heavy, opened when the hand came to rest 
                          there. His arm was under his head, the other crossed 
                          in front of his chest, minimising surface. The other 
                          body felt warm, and was too close, too much like sex. 
                          Too much like forcing him to turn onto his stomach, 
                          spread his legs and fuck him again. No. He'd said he 
                          was too tired for it. The cold slowly subsided, his 
                          aching muscles relaxing, and the dizziness and throbbing 
                          remained, but it worked already. Body against body. 
                          Platon. Not dangerous. Katya. Not about sex. He forced 
                          himself to breathe slowly, deeply, counting his breath. 
                          "Not 
 volunteering for any watch", he 
                          murmured, feeling relaxed enough to begin drifting off 
                          to sleep. His body demanded the rest. He healed best 
                          with plenty of rest. He had enough sense to reach and 
                          find his knife in the open bergan, and pull it close 
                          to his chest. Just in case. Just for anybody surprising 
                          him in his sleep. 
                        Dan 
                          sniggered, shook his head in the confines of that odd 
                          embrace. "No, I can see you're too fucked, and 
                          it's definitely not the good kind." Shuffling even 
                          closer, eyes fixed on the back of the neck. Murmuring 
                          into the other's ear, lips tickled by short shaved hair, 
                          "And for that knife, if I really wanted to kill 
                          you, you'd be dead before you could even wield it." 
                          A rumbled chuckle. 
                        Vadim 
                          was awake again. Breath against his ear did that. Staring 
                          straight ahead. The body. The heat. Liked it too much. 
                          Couldn't even think the word sleep now. Too intense. 
                          "You believe that, but I have good chance to kill 
                          you, too, before I'm dead." As long as there's 
                          no gun involved. Hand to hand, knife to knife. A moment 
                          of intense claustrophobia. Trapped. Dan was about to 
                          say something, an aborted sound from his throat, when 
                          Vadim half-turned to face him. "Don't believe just 
                          because you fucked me means I'm losing my pride. Not 
                          happening. I'm spetsnaz, never forget I can kill you." 
                          Hoped he sounded calm, neutral. 
                        "Huh? 
                          What the fuck are you on about, Russkie. You having 
                          a chip on your shoulder a mile wide?"  
                        Vadim 
                          swallowed the words, something about not taking insults, 
                          then realized, yes, he was tense about it, pride wounded, 
                          and he was irrational in that state. At least he was 
                          warmer now. Still, he kept misreading banter for aggression. 
                          "If you think so." 
                        Dan 
                          frowned, the other's face so close the sharply cut features 
                          were blurred. "Just shut the fuck up already and 
                          get some sleep. You'd be fucking useless in your state 
                          against me. You want to start being a cry-baby about 
                          the fucking? Doesn't suit you." He patted the hip, 
                          exhaled exasperatedly, "Get some sleep, spetsnaz. 
                          SAS is taking the watch." 
                        Now, 
                          much, much better. Not 'Russian cunt', not 'faggot', 
                          or 'bitch', or 'suka'. Spetsnaz. It was a glaring contrast 
                          to what they were doing, but it was acknowledging the 
                          other's regimental pride. SAS is taking the watch. 
                          No violence. No unpleasant surprises. Two soldiers, 
                          nothing more. "Yeah. Good night, comrade." 
                          He turned around again, settled back on his arm and 
                          inhaled deeply, counting his breath till he could fall 
                          asleep. 
                        * 
                          * * 
                        Dan 
                          couldn't quite pinpoint when he'd fallen into a snooze, 
                          but it must have happened sometime between morning and 
                          noon, because the heat of the sun woke him. That, and 
                          discomfort of having lain in the same position for too 
                          long. Sun, heat, and a body pressed against his own. 
                          Opening his eyes, he stared at the back of the other's 
                          neck, about an inch before his face. Burnt skin, tanned 
                          deeper than the pale-skinned Russkie was ever meant 
                          to be; shaved hair, straw-coloured, sun-bleached stubble 
                          growing up the back of the head. Dan blinked, shifted 
                          slightly, brought his face even closer. That scent. 
                          Damn, he wanted to bury his nose into the scent of sun, 
                          heat, skin and man. Tasting the sweat and biting the 
                          flesh. 
                        He 
                          did nothing. Just blinked again. One thing to fuck a 
                          man - another to kiss his neck. 
                        Vadim 
                          had slept like the dead, had dived deep, deep into leaden 
                          water and wouldn't have minded not waking up. But he 
                          still woke up, felt sore, but alive, awake, felt the 
                          other's breath. He reached lazily down to scratch his 
                          stomach, glanced back at Dan, wondered something, wondered 
                          if there was more sex in it for him, fuck his pride, 
                          it was an opportunity. He moved back against the body, 
                          bridging a gap that wouldn't have allowed a fist to 
                          move between them, back against chest, ass against groin, 
                          legs against legs. Maximising heat. Get the most out 
                          of the time they had.  
                        "That 
                          would work better if I weren't dressed." Dan delivered 
                          his dry remark in a low, raspy voice. Still wondering 
                          when he had slipped from taking watch to taking 40 winks. 
                          His hand moved. Slow, lazy, creating a snake-like pattern 
                          up and across the other's chest. 
                        "Which 
                          reminds me." Vadim smirked at that, his own hands 
                          moving to his trousers, opening them, fuck, for the 
                          other, pulling them down over his hips, baring his body 
                          down to his thighs.  
                        Dan's 
                          eyes grew wide, and still he did nothing. Just moving 
                          his own body with the other's when necessary. The Russkie 
                          hadn't just pulled his combats down, had he? Wasn't 
                          right now wiggling his naked arse against his groin? 
                          Dan's hand flattened on the other's chest, resting between 
                          the pecs. 
                        Vadim 
                          reached behind him, slid the flat hand against Dan's 
                          groin, tracing the bulge inside the BDUs. Yes. There 
                          was definitely another round in it for him. 
                        Damn. 
                          Dan inhaled, forgot to exhale again. The crazy bastard 
                          was doing exactly what Dan thought he was doing. Remembering 
                          to breathe, but his rumbling voice had a strange new 
                          tone to it. "I take it you want to get fucked." 
                        Yes. 
                          No. Fuck. Why not simply do it, why talk? Why make him 
                          aware that he was offering, offering like a bitch in 
                          the barracks. No. Never that. Vadim's hand tightened 
                          on Dan's cock, and he glanced over his shoulder into 
                          those dark eyes. "I can see how you made special 
                          forces. You're one quick thinker."  
                        "Ha 
                          ha, very funny." Dan grumbled, for no longer than 
                          half a second. That hand on his cock spoke a language 
                          which made him lose his own. 
                        Vadim 
                          grinned, needed to stay playful, taunting, banter, banter 
                          was not aggression. He stretched his neck, and gave 
                          a smile, at the same time squeezing the other's cock, 
                          his balls. 
                        Dan 
                          froze. Whatthefuck? That smile, that wasn't planned 
                          nor programmed and sure as hell didn't belong into their 
                          little arrangement of insanity. "Not sure what 
                          you want 
" murmured, staring at that smile, 
                          slowly deciphering what the hell that smile meant, and 
                          ending up with cryptic messages all over his brain. 
                          No sneering, no smirking, no threats and no anger. Just 
                          a smile. Holy fuck. "But whatever that is, I can 
                          assure you 
" he twisted his hips further 
                          into the hand, voice no more than a murmur, "it's 
                          exactly the right way to get it." 
                        Vadim 
                          laughed, felt the other's body obey his touch. He turned 
                          around, to have a second hand, and pulled the belt open, 
                          opened the buttons to free the other's cock, growing 
                          fully hard under a bit more squeezing. Wrapping his 
                          hand around it, he looked into the other's eyes, touch 
                          firm, tight, his own body ready, wounded and beaten 
                          up, but ready. "I wouldn't mind repetition", 
                          he murmured in English. Couldn't, wouldn't say 'fuck 
                          me', that was Gavriil stuff, even though he could feel 
                          the tension inside, wanted cock, wanted the other pounding 
                          into him. Shit. One taste of it, and he was hooked all 
                          over again.  
                        Dan 
                          said nothing for a moment, didn't even move. Like a 
                          beetle not quite on his back but just as helpless with 
                          that hand around his cock and a promise of a repeat 
                          of the mind-blowing sensation of fucking a body that 
                          could take as much of his cock as it could take of his 
                          fists. Breathed in, slowly out, then suddenly, "Where 
                          the fuck's the gun oil." 
                        Vadim 
                          reached for his bergan, found the gun kit, fiddled with 
                          it one-handed, found the bottle, opened it with teeth 
                          and hand, poured some oil into his palm and opened his 
                          legs, pushed two oiled fingers inside, then glanced 
                          at Dan, curious what he'd see in that moment, and what 
                          he saw was breathlessness and eyes that had grown even 
                          darker. A face, betraying with shallow breaths and parted 
                          lips that Vadim's actions reached deeper, touched lust, 
                          and released want. 
                        Vadim 
                          pulled his fingers out, took more oil, slower now, more 
                          deliberate, and again pushed the fingers inside, but 
                          slower, almost sensuous, felt a stab of lust, and smiled, 
                          running that slicked hand over his own cock, making 
                          it jump. 
                        Dan 
                          was undone. Lips moving, no sense nor sound. Hard, harder 
                          and wanting, more. Had never seen anything so arousing. 
                          No pussy, no gyrating hips, no bouncing tits; nothing 
                          and no one before had got into his mind and cock so 
                          intensely. 
                        "Fucking 
                          hell." Dan murmured, voice shaking, hand trembling, 
                          cock jumping against his belly. "Want to watch." 
                          Hand moved, covered the other man's, both hands on Vadim's 
                          cock. "Want to watch you fuck yourself." Pleading, 
                          begging, more, fuck, more of this, this 
 this 
                          mad thing. Man. This something that turned him on like 
                          nothing before.  
                        Soldier. 
                          Spetsnaz. Special Forces. Killer. Sniper. Enemy. And 
                          shameless whore.  
                        Vadim 
                          suddenly couldn't breathe. Being taken up on the tease. 
                          He'd done this, sometimes, pretended it was one of his 
                          few lovers. Masseur. Hungarian fencer. Increased his 
                          own need when a normal jerking-off couldn't take off 
                          the spike. But he needed to be safe to do this.  
                        "Please." 
                        He 
                          was safe to do this, Vadim realized, and it was another 
                          shock. It wasn't safe, nothing about this man was safe. 
                          Hand on his cock. The need in those dark eyes. He had 
                          his hooks firmly in this man, finally in his mind, reduced 
                          him to begging. Almost better than having him beg for 
                          his cock - but not quite. He moved slower, focused on 
                          the pleasure more than the oil, how his body reacted, 
                          the tensing of muscles, breath going harder, but still 
                          toneless.  
                        No 
                          sounds from Dan either. Nothing but accelerated breathing, 
                          harsher, louder, and the blood in his ears, as deafening 
                          as the echo of a shot in a cave. He took his hand away 
                          from the other's cock, minimising the touch to maximise 
                          the effect on his other senses. Smell; gun oil. Sight; 
                          the Russian's flushed skin, moving hand, oil-slicked 
                          fingers. Vanishing inside the body, creating reaction, 
                          and action. Sound; silence. 
                        Vadim's 
                          eyes half-closed, still looking at the other, reading 
                          the desire on Dan's features, which made him grin, and 
                          increase the speed, fingers rubbing the place that made 
                          his cock jump and his balls go heavy, the feeling going 
                          up to his throat, making his heart pound. Silent. Couldn't 
                          allow sounds. Wanted cock. Wanted the pounding, body 
                          against body, wanted the strength. Wouldn't ask for 
                          it, swallowed dryly, face twitching with what he felt, 
                          lips open, body moving against the pleasure, an instinct 
                          more than trying for a good show. Not like Gavriil. 
                          He was in control. 
                        Dan's 
                          eyes moved from hand to face, fell onto the heavy balls, 
                          glistening cock. Darkly flushed, hard. Hard. Fucking 
                          loved that hardness. The sight. The taste. Eyes moved 
                          back up to the face that expressed more than the other 
                          might think. 
                        "Throat 
                          or cock." Three words. Intention clear. Dan's hand 
                          on his own cock, stroking. Would come sucking; or come 
                          fucking. 
                        Both, 
                          thought Vadim, feeling coherence slipping away, watching 
                          the other touch himself, kicked off the camo trousers 
                          to get rid of the last bit of uniform, now the only 
                          thing that was still Red Army was the pair of dog tags. 
                          "Cock. No hand. Can't 
 come without." 
                          Hoping the other would suck him off and finish it, after 
                          giving him a good pounding. He pulled his fingers free, 
                          body shivering in the cold and shuddering with need, 
                          and was about to turn to get on hands and knees.  
                        "No." 
                          Dan moved, quick, his free hand coming to still the 
                          movement. "Stay." For what? Not clear, just 
                          felt, not knowing. That face, watching every twitch, 
                          hear the breath, see the sweat and how the pale blue 
                          eyes darkened, it was fucking erotic. No, hot. Horny. 
                          Lust. Erotic was for pussies. 
                        Vadim 
                          paused, not sure what to expect, but remained on his 
                          back, knees open, legs bent, idly stroking himself, 
                          one elbow supporting his weight, his slicked up hand 
                          pulled the foreskin to cover the tip, as he watched 
                          Dan get to his knees, placing one hand flat on his chest, 
                          pushing backwards, and Vadim relaxed on the ground, 
                          stretching out. 
                        Dan 
                          had never fucked a girl's arse other than from behind. 
                          But that face. Had to watch that face. 
                        Ah, 
                          knees up, thought Vadim. The way Vanya liked guys, on 
                          their backs. Had liked. Gavriil liked that position, 
                          and that was the reason why he rarely ended up in it. 
                          Had ended up. Vadim smirked at the other's cluelessness. 
                          "That works. Fucking strain on lower back, but 
                          should manage." 
                        "I 
                          know, arsehole." Dan's breathless voice was raspy, 
                          dark. Flashed a grin, let go of his cock, took the other's 
                          legs, pushed them upwards. "You'll just have to 
                          manage." Barely more than murmured. 
                        "I 
                          guess", murmured Vadim with a half-grin. 
                        That 
                          body. Laid out, massive, beaten and bruised but still 
                          impressive. Muscled and sharply angled. Like his own 
                          - yet different. Smooth. Dan knelt, stared, the other's 
                          body open, vulnerable, but never defenceless. Sharp 
                          intake of breath, then moved between the open legs, 
                          that arse was oil slicked, didn't need any for his cock, 
                          and guided himself. Wanted to ram, punish, force, brutal, 
                          but shook his head. Fuck, no. Held back, right there, 
                          in breach of the muscle, stalled, minute push forward, 
                          sliding, breaching.  
                        Vadim's 
                          hands formed fists - slow. Slow. Control. Slipping. 
                          No way to move against that, too much weight held him 
                          there, his own, and Dan's. The heat invading, crawling 
                          in, heat and size.  
                        Feeling 
                          the Russian's body shudder, Dan raised his head back 
                          up to meet the other's eyes, wide and gleaming with 
                          need. Smirked. "Thank fuck you're no girl." 
                        The 
                          observation intrigued Vadim, and speaking meant he could 
                          mask the groan. "Why's that?" 
                        Dan 
                          bared his teeth in a feral grin, said nothing, pushed 
                          forward hard, entered the body, tight, heat, groaning 
                          out expletives. 
                        Knees 
                          pushed up towards his chest, Vadim could do nothing 
                          but take the force, no burning, no pain, instead, unclouded, 
                          unmixed lust, pure and simple, no fear, no guilt, that 
                          cock nothing but his fingers in a different way. In 
                          control. Wanted this, kept wanting this, and the other 
                          just delivered, lust, desire, need, and Vadim's lips 
                          opened, the groan did escape, felt too good. 
                        Heat 
                          and tightness, fucking that body again. Dan felt lust 
                          and aggression, not hatred. Needed too much, wanted. 
                          Greed. Body. Man. Hand gripping the other's shoulder, 
                          fingers digging into bone and muscle, the other finding 
                          leverage on the ground. Knees protesting on hard stone, 
                          but the pain just added that kick. Stared at Vadim's 
                          face, eyes, facial expression, mouth, always drawn back 
                          to those lips. Parted, panting. Fucking wild, hard, 
                          with vicious lust. Dan groaned, sweat running from his 
                          neck and chest, dripping onto the other's body. Fuck. 
                          Fuck this was it, harder, faster, more and more, clenching 
                          his teeth or he'd let out sounds of greed and too much 
                          motherfucking need. 
                        Close. 
                          Not close enough. Vadim neared the edge, caught up in 
                          the sensations, strength, more, just as he liked it, 
                          more brutal than any of his lovers, they had been gentle, 
                          because he was young, and inexperienced, then, or they 
                          had not been not strong enough to test his body like 
                          this. How ironic to find it with the enemy. Finally 
                          closed his eyes, let go, control, thoughts, whatever, 
                          felt the force wash through him and into him, felt the 
                          other come, hard, and couldn't join him there, on the 
                          brink, where he'd wanted to be, now needed to get further. 
                           
                        Dan 
                          was panting, dizzy, short-changed of oxygen and shuddering 
                          with lingering sensations. That fucker was addictive. 
                          That body, not any body. Male. Goddamned male and more 
                          beyond. Brutal, violent, killer, soldier, enemy, and 
                          the best cunt he'd ever had. His mind blown to pieces 
                          by the paradox. Strength and passiveness; power and 
                          taking it up the arse. He couldn't get his mind around 
                          it. To have possessed that man. That bastard.  
                        Vadim 
                          felt Dan's sweaty body against his legs, his shoulder, 
                          hands, force, cock, still inside, panting, weakened, 
                          not in control, his, his in so many ways right now, 
                          then Vadim began to push him off with his legs. "I'd 
                          
 appreciate 
 some help." 
                        "What?" 
                          Licking sweat off his upper lip, Dan raised his head. 
                          Took a second to get clued on, then nodded, slipped 
                          free from the tight heat, softening, and feeling pathetically 
                          bereft. Like an addict, on cold turkey immediately after 
                          the last shot. 
                        Still 
                          on his knees, Dan shuffled backwards, twisted, lowered 
                          his head, stared at the weeping cock and could feel 
                          the greed for the taste in the back of his throat. Loved 
                          that cock. Cocks. "Cocksucker." Murmured, 
                          smirked, then pushed his head down and as much of the 
                          full length down into his throat as he could. As ruthless 
                          in sucking that cock as he had been in fucking that 
                          arse. 
                        Vadim 
                          grinned at the other's self-deprecation. If he got a 
                          kick out of it to think that of himself. Fine. It only 
                          took him that - the sight of how his cock vanished between 
                          the other's lips, the expression of willingness and 
                          concentration, heat and tightness, and he came, like 
                          a switch had been flicked, that fast, sensation splitting 
                          him from groin to brain, shooting down the other's throat, 
                          willing, welcoming, wanting this. 
                        Dan's 
                          reflex was to swallow, too deep down his throat, he'd 
                          hardly been prepared when Vadim came. Almost choked, 
                          but got it this time. Swallowed, quickly, a couple of 
                          times, then moved up, licking along the shaft, lingering 
                          to lap the cock dry. He lifted his head, smirking and 
                          watched the Russkie pant, spaced out. "As I said, 
                          cocksucker." Grinning smugly before reaching for 
                          his nearby bergan, had a pre-rolled fag stashed somewhere. 
                          Didn't bother to pull his camo trousers back up, should 
                          give himself a wash in a moment. 
                        Eventually, 
                          Vadim could breathe again. With that, thought returned. 
                          Amazing. Great sex. Fucked up to find this here, under 
                          these circumstances, with the most unlikely person in 
                          the world. He rested back, regarded the Brit, sated 
                          and heavy as the anaconda. "What did you mean? 
                          About girl?" Lazy curiosity. 
                        Dan 
                          found the cigarette, lighting it, sitting with knees 
                          close to his body, trousers tangled on knee height. 
                          "Girls want the big show, the lies." Taking 
                          a drag, he grinned, exhaling smoke with his next words. 
                          "That, and they're too fucking fragile, but I told 
                          you that yesterday." 
                        Vadim 
                          nodded, rested back on his arms, stretched out, warm, 
                          relaxed enough to fall asleep. "Yeah. I can't try 
                          and put ring on your finger just because we had some 
                          fun." He glanced up, about to continue that train 
                          of thought, joke about women starting to cling and clutch 
                          after a night, but the joke died in his throat. Firstly, 
                          Katya had done nothing like that, and secondly, he didn't 
                          want to pursue that thought.  
                        Dan 
                          sneered. "And you can't get pregnant. That's a 
                          bloody good bonus." Smoking his fag, focussed. 
                          He didn't have much tobacco left, hated to be hung out 
                          and dry. "Besides, that ring shit? I swore when 
                          I joined up never to marry. Damned bloodsucking bitches. 
                          Shag a guy, whine long enough till he's stupid enough 
                          to marry her, then whinge and bicker and bitch until 
                          fucking off, having fucked themselves through the entire 
                          camp, from senior ranks down to juniors, and finally 
                          take him to the cleaners." Baring his teeth again, 
                          mixture of smirk and sneer with added frown. "I 
                          fucking hate those bitches."  
                        Vadim 
                          smirked. "That must have been tough. Hating them, 
                          and still chasing skirts."  
                        Dan 
                          rolled his eyes, muttered something about having no 
                          idea how bloody annoying it was.  
                        Vadim 
                          yawned, reached for the blanket and pulled it up to 
                          cover himself. Too sluggish to think about cleaning 
                          up or anything. He'd do that after he'd rested. "My 
                          wife 
 is very different. She made decision, she 
                          protects me. I'm officer, I need to appear normal." 
                        Dan's 
                          brows rose. "You sound like a wuss to me." 
                           
                        Vadim 
                          assumed a 'wuss' was a weakling. Couldn't know, and 
                          wouldn't ask. "You have noteworthy talent to cut 
                          short conversations before they happen." 
                        Shrugging, 
                          Dan looked down at his bare feet, starting to feel the 
                          cold but ignoring it. Realised while watching the cigarette 
                          burn to a stub that even for his standards he'd been 
                          an arse. "OK, different tack. How the fuck have 
                          you been getting away with being a fag anyway? I'd be 
                          chucked out, dishonourable discharge, if they'd know 
                          I'm shagging a man." 
                        "Being 
                          homosexualist is illegal. I'm breaking law. I'd end 
                          up in prison, and definitely in my rank. Not high enough 
                          to weasel through, not low enough to not make example 
                          of me." Nevermind the Vympel machismo, or the fact 
                          Vadim was technically KGB. "I've fooled them. I 
                          fooled their assessments, questions, and I married. 
                          Two children. Beautiful wife." 
                        Stubbing 
                          the cigarette out on the rock beside him, Dan looked 
                          at the other questioningly. "Then tell me, how 
                          the hell do you get away with fucking in the barracks?" 
                           
                        "They 
                          can't speak about it. They don't want to be known as 
                          guys who took it up the ass. It would mean the others 
                          would do same. Do you know what 'grandfathers' are? 
                          Their word is law. In addition to that, I'm officer. 
                          They can't touch me." Vanya, who had learnt the 
                          rules quickly, and enjoyed it, Platon, whom he had actually 
                          protected. Gavriil, whom he'd kept out of the worst. 
                          And struggling bodies pressed into the mattress. Dozens 
                          of those.  
                        Dan's 
                          eyes were darkening with every word, brows drawing together, 
                          body tensing. "I know grandfathers. I studied your 
                          goddamned glorious Red Army. You're my fucking enemy, 
                          already forgotten?"  
                        Actually, 
                          I had. Vadim inhaled deeply. But no way to escape the 
                          truth. Only that the truth was more complicated. But 
                          how to explain?  
                        Dan 
                          stood up abruptly, trousers falling down to his ankles, 
                          stepping out of them. He turned round, presenting his 
                          back while walking to the fire. Swallowed his words. 
                          Anger. Disgust. And the accusation that the Russkie 
                          was nothing but an institutionalised rapist. "Bastard." 
                          Under his breath while busying himself with water and 
                          rag. Washing. Washing the bastard off himself; the rapist 
                          whose arse he'd just had. "What a fucking farce." 
                          Dan murmured to himself. 
                        Vadim 
                          thought he should lie. Should profess guilt. One victim 
                          that had become more than a struggling body in the night. 
                          He ruined it every time, Vadim thought, watching the 
                          other, anger in every motion. You're spetsnaz. What's 
                          a little violence there? I can't change the system. 
                          I need a way to get off without ending in prison. He 
                          wouldn't tell him about Platon. It was still too close. 
                          Gavriil didn't matter. With Vanya, too, it had been 
                          different. Vadim tried to push it away and sleep, but 
                          it didn't work. The other's resentment itched.  
                        Dan 
                          finished, shivered, being damp in the cave was too bloody 
                          cold. Cold, magic word. What was he going to do, sleep 
                          with the enemy, cuddle up with a raping bastard or freeze 
                          his balls off? He shook his head, looked for the food 
                          instead. Didn't glance over to where the Russian lay 
                          in silence. "I got beef jerky and dried fruits. 
                          You should eat. Still look like shit." 
                        Ignorance 
                          and ignoring. Pretending. Had worked with the British 
                          Empire for centuries, why not for one Daniel McFadyen. 
                        Vadim 
                          sighed, slipped into his boots, got up, kept the blanket 
                          about himself, and came to the fire. "I guess I 
                          should eat", he echoed, sat down on a flat stone 
                          and stared into the fire, then poured some tea into 
                          the other's mug and sipped. It still itched.  
                        Dan 
                          stood, naked, bare feet freezing on the rocks and pondering 
                          if he should give up being a hard man and just get himself 
                          some clothes, when Vadim spoke.  
                        "One 
                          guy. He's into men. Was my driver for few months. Kept 
                          him out of trouble." Vadim kept his eyes on the 
                          dark surface of the tea. 
                        Dan 
                          stopped in mid motion while dishing out food, glanced 
                          over. Finally looking at the other man. "What about 
                          him." Flat. 
                        "No 
                          need for violence. No other grandfather for that one. 
                          He was lucky. Safer option for me, too. Just in case." 
                          Vadim looked up. Hope for - what? Absolution? Understanding? 
                           
                        "So, 
                          he was your whore. Aye?" Dan started to move again, 
                          finished putting food on a tin platter, shoved it over 
                          to the other, right under Vadim's nose. He was freezing, 
                          obviously so, but he'd be buggered if he was going to 
                          do anything about it right now. "And that makes 
                          your glorious Soviet Union 'glorious' exactly, how?" 
                        Vadim 
                          took the plate, looked at Dan's chest, then higher. 
                          Wanted to offer the blanket, or a place on the stone. 
                          "State has nothing to do with it." He offered 
                          the steaming mug after another sip.  
                        "No?" 
                          Swapping plate with mug, Dan cradled the hot vessel 
                          after taking a sip. "It's the state that makes 
                          the laws." Frowning, glancing around. One blanket, 
                          and that one blanket was draped over the other. Fuck. 
                          Still standing. "I don't know the full extend of 
                          the law in Britain, just that fucking with a man gets 
                          me discharged. Shagging an enemy? Holy fuck, I'd end 
                          up court marshalled."  
                        "I'd 
                          end up with bullet to my neck. Resisting arrest. Job 
                          hazard." Shit. Given too much away. KGB would clean 
                          house, after the torture, of course.  
                        Dan 
                          froze, thinking. Took a large gulp of the tea, letting 
                          the steamy bitterness replace a different acid inside. 
                        Vadim 
                          set the plate down, then stood, pulled the blanket off 
                          his shoulders and placed it around Dan's shoulders, 
                          who was looking at him with ill disguised surprise. 
                          "Guess, we're both fucked. Better make it worthwhile, 
                          then?" 
                        "Aye." 
                          Dan nodded. "Guess I'm the lucky one between us." 
                          He took one corner of the blanket with his free hand, 
                          lifted it and gestured with his chin to the other. "One 
                          blanket. Cold cave. Two men. Both doomed. Best share 
                          the warmth." 
                        Vadim 
                          smiled. "Yeah, let's do poof thing." He gave 
                          a laugh, Dan let out a snort, but Vadim turned serious 
                          when he picked up his food. "You know, it doesn't 
                          mean we're doomed. They won't get me alive. And you're 
                          safe unless you do something that they can prove." 
                        Dan 
                          shrugged, walked back towards the make-shift bed with 
                          a packet of nuts, the refilled mug of tea, and sat down, 
                          wrapped in the blanket, leaving one half free. 
                        Vadim 
                          moved back to the cave as well, ate a few bites on the 
                          way, set the plate down and waited for the other to 
                          lift the blanket.  
                        "Go 
                          on then, poof. No point in freezing our arses off." 
                          Dan flashed a smirk, "I rather like that arse of 
                          yours. Especially with something in it." 
                        "Yeah. 
                          Shit-stabbing ain't so bad, huh?" Vadim grinned 
                          and sat down, leaning against his bergan, covered his 
                          legs and abs with the blanket and put the plate onto 
                          his knees. Chewing, he murmured "I'll be sore as 
                          fuck in couple days." 
                        "From 
                          the beating or the fucking?" Dan picked some fruit, 
                          pushing them between his teeth, mixed with the jerky. 
                          The heat from the other was welcome. "In the case 
                          of the latter I suggest to make it worthwhile." 
                        Vadim 
                          nodded and swallowed a bite. "I'd almost forgotten 
                          beating. Not important. Usual stuff." He waved 
                          it off. "Ah. More worthwhile? I already thought 
                          you performed quite nicely." 
                        Dan 
                          swallowed and grinned, washing the food down with some 
                          tea. "Well, I guess I got the jackpot. I get to 
                          fuck arse and suck cock. What else could a man want?" 
                          He let out a short stab of laughter before getting more 
                          of the food down his neck. 
                        Vadim 
                          grinned. No need to set the other on edge with indicating 
                          that getting fucked was just as nice. "What else 
                          indeed." He smirked, manoeuvred a bit of dried 
                          peel from between his teeth. "Shit, I guess, I'll 
                          always remember this war for strange Brit I met. Limey. 
                          Tommy. You're strange man, Dan. You know that?" 
                        "Me?" 
                          Dan huffed, swirled the tea in the glass. "I'm 
                          not strange. I'm so fucking normal I make the Kremlin 
                          seem like a space ship." 
                        Vadim 
                          smirked again. "Little grey men? Damn. That's what 
                          they are. Aliens."  
                        Dan 
                          couldn't help it, he laughed. Not the manic one, the 
                          but a full-out belly laughter, almost spilling the rest 
                          of the tea. "Didn't know you could do humour, Russkie." 
                           
                        Vadim 
                          laughed, too. From sex to anger to laughter. That man 
                          made his head spin. "You haven't seen Brezhnev. 
                          Or Andropov. Or other old men." 
                        Dan 
                          handed the mug over, fished some more fruit from the 
                          rapidly emptying plate. "Thinking about it, I guess 
                          Mrs Thatcher is a fucking alien as well, and the whole 
                          British government to boot." 
                        Vadim 
                          smirked. "Can't say I follow your news much, but 
                          I take your word for it. Her hairstyle is clearly designed 
                          to withstand falling a-bomb blast."  
                        That 
                          was it, Dan didn't need anymore than that and he burst 
                          into laughter, laughing so hard he choked on some of 
                          the food he had just shoved into his gob. Coughing, 
                          spluttering, doubled over and still laughing, like a 
                          far too grown-up kid who'd just read the stupidest joke 
                          on a Penguin chocolate bar. "Oh fuck." Barely 
                          able to bring out the words, coughing, "The more 
                          their hair's like a helmet, the more upper class they 
                          are."  
                        "Good 
                          to know, in case I travel there. People that are dangerous 
                          are ones with kilo of hairspray."  
                        Doubling 
                          over with another coughing fit, Dan's eyes were watering 
                          from it all, and Vadim slapped him between the shoulder 
                          blades. "And your Brezhnev looks like a carp." 
                          Dan was opening and closing his mouth, breathing like 
                          a fish. 
                        "His 
                          Eyebrowness?" Vadim held up a finger. "There's 
                          joke I heard. Goes like this: "Glorious Soviet 
                          leaders Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev are traveling 
                          by train. Suddenly, train grinds to halt. Stalin is 
                          first to try solve problem. He orders that engine driver 
                          be shot for sabotage and he deports co-driver to Siberia. 
                          Train doesn't move. Then it's Khrushchev's attempt. 
                          He brings co-driver back from Siberia and tells him, 
                          "You've been away for long time, but try to remember 
                          which controls do what." Engine driver can't and 
                          train doesn't move. Then, third, Brezhnev tries. He 
                          orders that all blinds be drawn across windows and that 
                          passengers start rocking back and forth in their seats- 
                          so train feels like moving." Which was a pretty 
                          accurate snap shot of the political situation, come 
                          to think of it. 
                        Dan 
                          snorted, wiping his eyes, the laughter was turning into 
                          a grin. "If you continue like this you'll have 
                          to provide some vodka to keep me from choking." 
                           
                        "Sorry, 
                          no vodka. I was travelling light. Next time, yes?" 
                           
                        Dan 
                          moved closer, unthinking, seeking body warmth. "While 
                          we're at it, a personal question." Out of the blue 
                          and delivered with a bared-tooth grin. "Do all 
                          Russkies have no body hair?" 
                        Vadim 
                          paused, then grinned. "Only ones that don't like 
                          it and can get enough razor blades to keep smooth. From 
                          my swimming days. And it's more hygienic." 
                        "Fuck, 
                          no, you'd never get me to do that." Dan was running 
                          a hand over his sparsely haired chest, then down along 
                          his thigh. Dark hair, not a bear, but definitely hairy. 
                          "I'm a bloke, blokes are supposed to be hairy." 
                           
                        Vadim 
                          snorted. He really preferred it that way, even the hair 
                          on his head was only a concession to the military style, 
                          but the sides of his scalp and his neck were shaved, 
                          definitely the face. More hygienic, certainly that. 
                        Dan 
                          finished off the last bit of beef, chewing while glancing 
                          sideways. "Not saying it doesn't feel good, though." 
                          Said too much, rolled his eyes, hid the discomfort behind 
                          a boisterous smirk. "You're as smooth as pussy, 
                          but with a cock and muscles. Suits me well." 
                        "As 
                          pussy?" Vadim laughed. "You haven't seen aunt 
                          Olga." There was no aunt Olga, of course. "But 
                          then, she doesn't qualify as pussy anyway. Maybe forty 
                          years ago."  
                        "Better 
                          than pussy and definitely better than your aunt Olga." 
                          Dan waggled his brows, felt a strange sense of ease, 
                          wondered if he shouldn't be wanting to bash the fucker's 
                          head in. Enemy and all that. Russkie. Bad man. Killer. 
                          Shit like that.  
                        "You're 
                          insulting my aunt Olga?" asked Vadim, mock-serious. 
                        Dan 
                          shrugged, grinned. "Skin, I mean. Girls have soft, 
                          smooth skin. They do that powdering and perfume shit, 
                          can't stand that, but their skin feels good."  
                        Vadim 
                          smirked. Ah, hard training, hours and hours of swimming, 
                          sauna, oiling the body, resting in warm towels, sweating, 
                          washing again. They had treated him the best and he 
                          had looked the best in Montreal. Anoushka's skin. Porcelain 
                          complexion, pores so small they were invisible. He shouldn't 
                          think of his daughter, not in the mountains, not in 
                          a war.  
                        Dan 
                          started to stretch, closed his eyes and prodded the 
                          other's ribs to make him lie down. A soldier could never 
                          get enough sleep when they had the chance. "Yours 
                          is better." 
                        Strange 
                          thing to compliment him on, but Vadim smiled, oddly 
                          touched by 
 by that 
 affection? He laid 
                          back, head resting against the bergan, thoughtful. One 
                          of them should keep watch. But then, it was really, 
                          highly unlikely they would be found, asleep. What if? 
                          What if the Mujas showed up? Vadim checked his pistol 
                          and kept it between their bergans that served as pillows. 
                           
                        "Wake 
                          me when it's time to fuck you again." Dan grinned, 
                          closed his eyes. Strangely relaxed. It could all be 
                          different in a few hours. They were still mortal enemies 
                          and he didn't trust the Russkie from blanket to cave 
                          mouth. But now, now it was time to rest, and what better 
                          than to rest in safety and warmth. If they were to kill 
                          each other, they'd better wait till the morning. 
                        Vadim 
                          smiled, wanted to run fingers through the tousled mess 
                          of hair, to feel what the forehead felt like, and formed 
                          a fist instead. No. Too risky. Right after sex, maybe 
                          right before sex, but not now. It would bleed the relaxation 
                          out of this man, faster than a bullet wound.  
                        He 
                          spied the round scar on Dan's shoulder, the scar that 
                          belonged to the gun that was just a breath away. He 
                          leaned against the bergan, close enough to the other 
                          to be warm, awake enough to guard, to look out at the 
                          stars, the impossible deep dark blue of the Afghan sky. 
                          Maybe another day. Maybe two, even three. He needed 
                          to take what he could. He had nothing to squander. 
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