1992, Berlin, Germany
liked the very civilian feel of the car he'd rented.
It smelled new, no scratches, dents, it was as shining
and clean as only well-maintained rental cars were.
Listening to the radio, some host talking about politics,
taxes, and he was listening and not listening, following
his own thoughts and catching only the gist of it.
he got into Berlin, he found his way to the airport
eventually, parked the car, and went to the arrivals
terminal. Not far away from where he'd seen Hooch vanish
through customs. A much more relaxed looking Hooch who
had recovered well from the injuries and would be okay
in a couple days - perfectly in time for returning to
base. Vadim remembered the awkwardness of seeing him
go. They'd got much closer during the week. The days
of the prisoner game, and when that was over, the remaining
days which seemed to be shopping, talking, 'vanilla'
sex, jogging, cooking, and generally feeling comfortable.
bought a newspaper and sat down in the waiting area,
watching the list of planes get shorter, the time tick
by while he worked his way through written German.
the plane from America was announced on the screen,
with the luggage now in the baggage claim area. It took
another twenty minutes at least before the first passengers
came out through the gates. Some time after the first
passenger, a man appeared. Tall, fit, tanned towards
a gleaming bronze, dark hair with grey temples fairly
long and rather wild and yet so obviously tamed by a
very skilled cut. Shades on top of his forehead, he
had a bag slung over one shoulder and pulled a suitcase
behind him. Dressed in clothes that seemed simultaneously
new and most attractively rumpled, a dark olive jacket
with an understated and sporty square cut thrown over
an off-white linen shirt that did all it possibly could
to show off the tanned smooth expanse of his throat,
with the first two buttons open. He didn't seem aware
of the way an expensively dressed lady was walking behind
him, staring at the way the dark brown leather trousers
with their dull surface were clinging to his buttocks.
Brand new ankle boots on his feet, they had a certain
air of Wild West about them. He stopped, patted down
the inside of his jacket, before pulling out a packet
of American cigarettes, and walking on.
folded the newspaper, enjoying the sight. Matt's signature
all over Dan. The different style, the haircut, and,
of course, the ease and calm with which Dan was beginning
to head out, probably looking for a taxi. Vadim stood
and walked fast behind him, moving carefully as not
to warn him too early, then moved closer. "Handsome
stranger, do you need a ride?"
Dan flew round, startled for a second, his face immediately
lit up with a giant grin. "Crap, Russkie, I'm getting
old. My reflexes must be shot to shit." He let
go of the suitcase, dropped the bag onto the ground
and embraced Vadim, pulling him tight. He didn't kiss,
no matter how much he wanted to. Keeping the embrace
somewhat ambiguous, even though the elegant lady's face
fell with disappointment and she turned quickly away
and towards the exit.
kept him close and tight, Dan's scent, the warmth, the
strength. Like he'd never been gone. Or just briefly.
Not over a week. "Come, the car's over there",
he murmured. "I'll take the other bag." He
gave Dan a bright smile. "You look like you'd been
in Hawaii or somewhere exceedingly pleasant."
You must be fucking kidding me." Dan grinned, lighting
a cigarette the moment they were in the smoking zone.
"The kid dragged me around town. Can you believe
it? The only way to stop the little bastard was to just
do what he wanted. 'Get a haircut', 'buy this shirt',
'put your ass into those trousers', and so on."
Dan rolled his eyes in mock exasperation.
he was right. You look
grinned and steered towards the car. "Part of me
wants to drag you to a safe place and suck you
Dan stopped, staring at Vadim, "I have no idea
what Hooch did to you, but I think I got to thank him."
haven't wanted to jump my bones like that since Afghanistan."
Dan was grinning like a fool. "The place you rented
not safe enough? Or too far?"
far." Vadim glanced around. "Let's just get
the bags into the car." Maybe there was a place
somewhere to do it. Or he could go with the slow simmering
desire and unleash it once they were in the house.
guess the car's not private enough?"
sure it could be." Vadim opened the door for Dan,
then tossed the bags into the trunk and sat down in
the driver's seat, just quickly adjusting himself. The
tight dark designer label jeans were getting too tight.
He steered the car away from the airport building, and
out to the parking lot, which wasn't very busy this
time of day. Late evening. He stopped the car in the
far corner, glanced around for a moment, then bent over,
hands unzipping Dan.
not fucking kidding." Dan stated, observing the
obvious. "Shit, Vadim, is it really you?"
Not complaining for a second, though, and as usual,
he was commando. The leather warmed up by his skin.
"Or is it a case of the body snatchers?"
not making sense." Vadim freed Dan's cock and held
it, pumping it slowly, firmly, while Dan adjusted the
seat to sit more comfortably and allow more space. What
was unusual, however, was the sight of his groin. Clearly
waxed, and far further than just his balls.
" but Dan didn't get another word in, when
Vadim went down on his cock, taking Dan deep and soon
deeper, rushing it, definitely, but he wanted to taste
and feel Dan, more urgently than he wanted proper sex.
He wanted him right now. There would be time to recharge.
Different, again, so known, so good, the taste and heat
as he started to deepthroat. A sudden, maddening need
and hunger than he'd very rarely felt when sucking cock,
but it was there.
Dan arched up, towards Vadim's lips. Everything different,
everything the same, and yet everything so goddamned
different. That hunger
as rare as it had been,
a lifetime ago. He was hard within a second, and panting
within a few seconds more. Rapidly losing a control
he never wanted to have in the first place.
reached for the door's arm rest, supporting his weight
there as he went down, fiercely fucking his own throat.
Out here, in the open, but in the dark. His own need
clouding his mind, and he concentrated only on one thing
- to give heat and friction and show Dan how much he
was needed, right now.
reacted, as much quicksilver as all those years ago.
Too surprised by the speed, his mind still caught in
figuring out where to find a taxi and how to get to
the bungalow, and wondering in what state of mind Vadim
was in - while his body was crashing over the edge already.
Cumming with a suppressed shout, he gripped the corners
of the seat tight and lifted towards the lips and mouth
and throat - and everything. Everything that was Vadim
and that could never be replaced by anyone. No one.
was panting open mouthed and with closed eyes, slack
in his seat like a boneless weight, while Vadim cleaned
him, sucking carefully and licking, swallowing, then
looking up with a grin. "Welcome back", he
murmured, and kissed Dan, softly, tenderly, couldn't
see enough of him, couldn't touch him enough. "Missed
Dan breathed out, hand on his cock as he haphazardly
tried to get his trousers back into a semblance of order.
"I didn't expect that."
reached for Vadim's neck, pulling him closer again and
kissing him for a long time. Breaking up, but so close,
Vadim's face was a blur. "Missed you a lot. Hate
being apart, but ... it's okay. The being back together
is damn good."
smiled. "It is. Maybe over a week was too long."
He started the car once Dan had tucked himself back
in and fastened the seatbelt. He was still in a daze
when they left the parking space behind, soon got onto
the highway and were well on the way to Potsdam. "You'll
like the bungalow. It's very secluded. How's Matt?"
thoughts not quite returned, Dan lit a fag after opening
the window. "Matt, oh, yes. He's alright. Don't
think anyone or anything could piss on his parade. If
he were any sunnier, he'd destroy the universe."
He shook his head, grinning. "And that even though
his boyfriend threw him out when he got back at Christmas."
did? For screwing with Hooch, or some other reason?"
Dan blew smoke out of the window, "for being in
the Forces. Sorry, 'US Marines'." Putting on a
fake American accent. "Seems the guy hated Matt's
job." He glanced at Vadim, "can't blame him,
guess that was not a case of uniform
Fetish. Kink. The words he'd used pretty freely and
that reminded him very much of the Soviet uniform in
the wardrobe. Uniform fetish all the way. "What
kind of boyfriend is that?"
Dan half-turned to the side, watching Vadim. "What
do you mean? A boyfriend who isn't into uniforms? Guess
that's just ... a boyfriend." He flashed a grin,
"and not a kinky bastard, even though I wouldn't
be all that surprised if the guy was taken in by the
uniform but then didn't like the bitter taste of reality.
Besides, they have some real shit laws. Britain's fairly
easy: you gay, you out. US? Holy fuck. Prosecution,
all that. Punishable offence." He leaned back again,
taking another drag. "Fucking weirdoes. Must have
turned their stomachs, having to give us medals."
bet." Vadim frowned and kept his eyes on the road.
"I only hope it won't bite Hooch in the arse. But
he seems far better adjusted than Beauvais likely ever
what about Matt?"
said he takes it all lightly. He should be alright.
Didn't look like a rules breaker to me."
again, Hooch? Never seemed to be the 'I am gay' type
to me. Thought he was an opportunist."
opportunist stuff is gone. It was a mask."
smoke out of the window, Dan leaned back once more,
regarding Vadim. "You got to know him well, didn't
you?" Smiling slightly, "better than Matt,
smiled. "I think so
I learned some surprising
things, too." Like touching in public, like hitting
and whipping a bound man who wanted all that pain. The
tenderness mixed with power. The trust. He'd told Hooch
so much in such little time, as if the man posed no
threat, no danger, like dirty secrets were only half
as bad like that. "Didn't have the opportunity
to meet Matt much
mean that. Meant I think you know Hooch better than
Matt does. Not sure how much of a clue the kid has."
Dan shook his head slightly, blowing out smoke again
before snipping the cigarette out of the window. "And
he doesn't even realise that he's in love."
love? Oh bugger." Vadim laughed. "Poor bastard.
Deltas and their travelling
that should be almost
as bad as when we started out."
enough," Dan grinned, "he doesn't realise
it anyway, and I sure as fuck wasn't going to push his
nose into the open secret. Figured Hooch wasn't a man
to be in love with, not if you're a kid like Matt."
not? Assume he's aware he's gay, and actually relaxed
and talking? Which is rare, but I've seen it happen."
did you do to the man?" Dan grinned, head rolled
to the side, towards Vadim.
usual. Shopping, cooking, eating, well, yeah, and sex."
Don't forget hitting, dressing up, kicking, shouting,
whipping, tying him up and fucking him, eating his ass
and other things. "Seems there's Hooch the Delta
and Hooch the man." And the man's name is Bozic.
laughed, "must be the cooking, then, because Matt
can sure as fuck do the shopping, and I wager he'd manage
the sex." He looked out of the window when they
turned into a residential street. "Well, as long
as you had a good time, all's well. Just don't tell
Matt about 'Hooch the man' or his infatuation might
not my job to blow Hooch's cover
grinned, noticing how the car slowed down. "Best
to wean him off the Delta, eh? No future. And sure as
fuck not in the US military."
knows?" Vadim parked the car, then pulled the key
from the ignition. "There we are. The bungalow
behind the trees." He got out, grabbed the bags
and then headed towards the house. "You like the
nice. You booked it for another week?"
I can extend, too."
positively suburban." Dan smiled, following Vadim.
it does, doesn't it?" Vadim laughed and opened
the door, allowing Dan to enter first.
any plans or can we just hang out? Not that I haven't
already done a lot of hanging out. Didn't do much but
sun beside the pool and beast myself in the gym, back
can drive over to Berlin to do stuff
nice restaurants, I could show you some places."
Vadim headed into the bedroom and dropped the bags there,
then shrugged out of his jacket. "Home sweet temporary
jacket already in his hands, Dan looked around himself,
standing in the middle of the hallway. "Not bad."
Throwing the jacket over the clothes stand. "By
the way, want to know what Matt made me do? Tried to
tell you, but you had my cock down your throat the next
laughed. "Sorry for that."
rid of his shoes, Vadim asked, "what did he do?
New haircut, new dress sense and
sense? Fuck that, but he got me drunk and made me do
" Fingers on the buttons of his shirt,
Dan had it open in no time, slipped it off his shoulders
and onto the ground. "Said it was a shame because
I was so tanned from Dubai." Opening the trousers
as well, he bent over and pushed them down to his ankles,
"and that you would appreciate it." Coming
back up, he stood, arms wide, and
hairless except for a neat patch of pubes. The scars
pale in contrast to the smooth expanses of undamaged
skin, which glowed darkly tanned in the low light. "The
little bastard filled me up with booze and then got
me waxed in some fucking beauty salon!" Turning
slowly around himself, legs trapped in the trousers
that were pooled around his boots, Dan looked more pumped
and his muscles more defined than he usually did. The
result of extensive gym work, good food, swimming and
lying by the pool - and otherwise pretty much nought
else. "And? Was he right? Do you appreciate
licked his lips. Knowing how rare this was and likely
how much pain, but Matt had been right. He adjusted
himself again. "I
or bed?" Dropping the food option.
tilted his head, a slow grin starting. "Bearing
in mind you've just blown me
you look like a
man who wants to fuck."
want you to suffer, I can wait." Vadim gave a pained
expression. "Well, I can, but I don't particularly
like it. But you know that."
laughed. "I offer you a deal: you rim me, you get
to fuck me. What about that?" He winked.
good. Very good." Vadim began to undress, no games,
uniforms or anything, just skin on skin. He smiled to
himself at that thought. "Just wonder
much you want to know. Or me, for that matter. About
the other guy. What you did, what you felt
I know it turns you on to see me with somebody else.
Would that be just me getting fucked, or me fucking
somebody else - or just generally me with somebody else?"
undid the boots, stepped out of the trousers. Naked
and positively gleaming with sun, health, and strength.
"You getting fucked. It blows my mind, I don't
know why." He shook his head, thinking a moment,
"don't know if I want to hear about it. Maybe I
do, but I sure as fuck want to see it."
Dan flashed a grin before glancing behind and spotting
a door. "That the bathroom? Shame we haven't got
anything to get cleaned out properly. Or I might ask
you to do your magic
" wiggling his hand,
"once you're done with the fucking." Grinning,
he stood hands on hips, the picture of self confidence.
grinned. "Just look through the drawers."
Hooch had left his stuff there, and Vadim had figured
they might be needing it. But he fully intended for
Dan to find out by himself.
raised a brow. "I am not sure I dare
contrary to his own words he was at the chest of drawers
and pulled the first drawer open. It took barely half
a second before he pulled out a handful of rather interesting
finds. "Holy fuck. What did you do?"
Turning round with a dildo, a gag, a blindfold, and
some chains in his hands.
crossed his arms in front of his chest. "No idea.
But it felt good." Saying that with a straight
face, watching Dan intently.
you?" The same intense gaze, and something
a hint of a flicker perhaps in Dan's eyes.
Hooch likes his pain real." Vadim kept the gaze
steady, allowing Dan to grasp what he'd said, maybe
first reaction was entirely involuntary. The flicker
vanished, replaced with something that could almost
be described as relief, before his expression was back
to normal, apart from the once again raised brow. "Hooch?
Pain?" He shook his head. "You got to be fucking
smiled. He'd caught it, had seen whatever had coiled
behind Dan's eyes, and it was the kind of thing that
tightened his guts - more - and he figured it might
give Dan ideas. "Feel free to have a look."
answer." Dan grumbled when Vadim moved back and
headed into the kitchen, allowing Dan some time and
privacy while he made tea and waited.
five minutes later, Dan reappeared. Still gloriously
naked except for the Russian greatcoat that was draped
over his shoulders. "So. Pain, you said?"
Standing in the doorframe, hip jutted forward.
was just pouring tea, and looked up. "Yes. And
I guess he'd have given Major Krasnorada a run for his
money." Vadim smiled. "Only that Hooch is
too professional to ever mix sex and job. At least that's
what I think. You like it?" pointing at the coat.
reminds me of a time gone by. Good and bad, and some
seriously awful shit." Dan pushed himself forward,
smoothly, towards the kitchen table and its mugs of
tea. "Did you play games?" Slowly looking
up. If they weren't pretty much the same height, his
eyes would have been shielded beneath his lashes.
met the gaze. "Aye. The prisoner game. He was mine,
not the other way round." Did that matter? It did.
The way Dan's eyes looked, the expression on his face,
the timbre in his voice - it did.
tilted his head, thoughtful for a moment. "Did
you play rape?"
swallowed. "No." He frowned and now lost the
staring contest, like his strength was suddenly gone.
Only that it wasn't a staring contest, more like holding
each other in balance, and he'd lost. "No."
He shook his head and sat down, feeling heavy.
you want to?" There was no accusation in Dan's
voice, no relief, no nothing. Just a mild, if not gentle,
curiosity. Brought about by slowly growing understanding.
brow remained dark, his eyes moved up once, just a flash,
pained, and he lowered the gaze again, reaching for
his tea mug. "I didn't." Wanting and feeling
the horror of it. The urge, and the disgust at the same
time. Facing the monster, right now, expecting anything
from Dan now. He'd deserve it. Whatever it was. "Fuck."
understand if you'd wanted to." Dan sat down slowly,
great coat draped halfway across his body as he reached
for a mug as well, but only looking at it. "It
would have made sense. After all, you said Hooch likes
his pain real. Something I still can't get my head around,
though." Still looking at the tea, he tentatively
raised it to his lips, but stalled halfway. Wasn't quite
what he wanted.
the job, the stress
it's one way
to do it. To
deal with it. I don't know. I didn't
do it. I made it as real as I could, but
It was too real and I didn't cross the line. Or I'd
be sitting here, even more ashamed.
Dan smiled a little, putting the tea down, untouched.
"I won't ask anymore, because it isn't my business.
and yours." Glancing at the mug,
"and apart from all of that," flashing a small
grin, "got anything stronger than tea?"
the freezer." Vadim stood and brought out the vodka
and two glasses, setting it down between them. Rattled,
yes, and nervous, and with a churning unease in his
knew I could count on you to have some good stuff."
Dan smiled, pulling the great coat closer, fondling
the coarse fabric for a moment, "also, how do I
look in this?" He was slowly getting back to his
usual irreverent and easy-going self.
sure it's quite your colour or cut." Vadim tried
rather have me in camo, Afghan rags, reporter gear,
or suede leather?" Dan cocked a brow, hand creeping
forward along the table, towards Vadim.
is good. A nice suit is good, too. Camo." End of
story. No more reporter look, and rags were right out
as well. Vadim poured the vodka, two and a half fingers
of it, and tossed his back straight away.
in that case, if you went shopping for this," lifting
an edge of the great coat, "and for this
" waggling his brows, Dan indicated towards
the bedroom with his chin, "you could very well
go shopping for leather, aye?" Tossing his own
vodka back, his hand moved towards its old spot, and
closer, touching Vadim's hand that lay on the table.
"I gained a remarkable tolerance for shopping and
being prodded around, across the pond." He winked,
fingers stroking Vadim's lightly.
grinned, still uneasy, but turning his hand to take
Dan's fingers in his. "Tomorrow. We can burn some
more money." He began to relax again and leaned
back. "Whatever you want. Whatever
not sure, to be honest." Dan smiled, refilling
both their glasses with his left. A bit awkward, especially
with that fucked hand, but he managed. "How long
have we got to find out?"
lifetime." Vadim pressed his hand, then shrugged.
"Or about ten days. Wasn't that what Maggie said?"
I think so. Then off to the happy land." Dan rolled
his eyes with a grin, tossing down his vodka. "What
you want to do now, though. Abuse this old man, or let
this old man sleep his jet lag off, or make love to
this old man until he remembers why he fucking loves
you as much as he does?"
think that's rimming, then, and then fucking, as requested."
Vadim smiled. "Pretty sure we can do the fisting
thing too, but maybe tomorrow, when we're rested a bit
more. I'd like to take my time."
grinned, teeth and all, getting off the chair. "In
that case, I'll be in the bathroom with some of the
kit Hooch left." He winked and was out of the room
after another shot of vodka, to take advantage of being
awake for another couple of hours.
next day saw the unbelievable, the hitherto unseen,
and the nigh impossible happen: Dan went shopping without
complaints and with a remarkable amount of patience.
With Vadim's help he got himself leather trousers that
were simultaneously tight and comfortable, while not
making him look like an aging man who was trying to
recapture his youth. He stayed a long time in the 'toy'
shop, poring over gadgets, but in the end venturing
back out without having bought anything. All he could
think of was already in the house.
an idea had been brewing, and Dan enquired if the city
had surplus shops, which they had - obviously, and if
they sold British uniforms.
took him there, smiling as he watched Dan pick and choose.
He was standing near the door, surveying the whole shop,
deliberately not looking too closely what Dan was buying.
He didn't want the hunger to get too bad.
ended up with two rather full bags and an odd grin on
his face, which was almost self-conscious. Stepping
outside, he lit a fag the moment he was out of the shop.
Joking if he should cut his hair, but the idea wasn't
met with approval, and he grinned and shrugged, pointing
out that he was hungry, needed feeding, was still jet
lagged and wanted to get back to the bungalow, unless
Vadim preferred him to be asleep instead of horny.
headed back and Vadim heated up the sauna for Dan, while
he started to cook something in the kitchen. Steak,
salad, some potato wedges, solid food. Encouraging Dan
to sweat it out, shower, and then rest. Still not looking
at the bags or what they contained.
later, when they had eaten and Dan sat back with a cold
Pils in his hand, did he look at Vadim with that expression
that was part incredibly intense and part challenging.
unknown. "I think you should get
some of your kit on. But just the basics. Field gear."
cleared away the dishes. "Want me to prepare? Clean
wouldn't have done
" Trailing off, Dan lifted
the glass to his lips, adam's apple bobbing as he drank
two gulps. "But we're not in the Afghan mountains
anymore." He nodded, wiped his lips, and smiled
a curious smile.
Afghanistan. The word sent off an electric spark, every
single time. "Be right back." Vadim headed
into the bathroom and cleaned out. Not his favourite
thing, but he did see the point. Then a quick shower,
towelling down, and dressing in the 'field gear' in
the bedroom. Commando underneath, would give Dan less
to content with. And another thing which felt weird,
but which was very likely helpful to what they were
going to do. Using some Vaseline on his ass. If Dan
wanted to fuck him roughly, he wouldn't even have to
stop or pause.
the time Vadim returned, the kitchen light was off and
instead the light in the hallway on, and the living
room and bedroom were dark, too. Dan was standing out
of immediate sight, leaning at ease against the doorframe
to the living room. Dressed in British camo, the boots,
the combat uniform, the olive webbed belt with its brass
belt buckle and the olive t-shirt underneath. Wild hair
pulled back behind his ears, Dan had a black beret at
the correct angle. Not the SAS sand coloured one, impossible
to get, but this one would do. Especially since he'd
found a uniform with the Sergeant stripes, even though
the Staff Sergeant crown was missing. Glowing cigarette
between his lips, he was watching Vadim intently. Perfectly
aware that Vadim had never seen him in uniform before.
the effect was like a punch to the guts. Somehow, it
was like Hereford, or Royal Marines, suddenly real.
Dan wasn't dressing up, wasn't faking it, this was pretty
damn close to what Dan had to have been wearing once.
He suddenly fit into the stories he'd told, and Vadim
could see Dan as a grunt. Well, NCO. He moved closer,
dressed himself in the camo of the enemy. Not quite
sure what the game was, exactly.
" Dan breathed out smoke, away from
Vadim, an old habit by now. "If I'd been who I
am now, if I'd fucked who I fuck now, I'd have taken
back in the mountains." His voice
no more than a low rumble. Dark eyes intense.
Of all the things he'd said, all the things he'd offered,
Vadim knew exactly which one offer Dan meant, and it
made him break eye contact. Another punch to the guts,
but good, excruciatingly good. Do what I did to you.
And we're even. Vadim shivered.
paused, watching Vadim. Inhaling the smoke deeply. "You're
not Hooch. I'm not you." Another pause, slowly
exhaling, "how real do you want to play?"
don't know." Naked, blind truth. Dan wasn't KGB.
Dan had tortured him before. Love. Trust. The brink
of madness. "I
trust you." Keep me
this side of sanity.
cigarette was almost down to the filter, and Dan lowered
his hand. "I want to take you back to the Afghan
mountains. Will you come with me?" His voice was
most wretched time in his life, apart from the prison,
of course. "Aye." I was strong then, Vadim
thought. A lion of a man. Reckless. Unbroken. Until
I did break. "Before
or after the torture?"
find out." Leaning down to bury the butt in a pot
plant, Dan pushed himself away from the doorframe, standing
face to face with Vadim.
didn't budge, looked into the dark eyes, and nodded.
Accepting whatever came, agreeing to the 'game' if it
was a game, and trusting Dan to begin it and to end
it and keep control throughout.
nodded slowly and smiled. Unveiled, disarming. "After
you." Gesturing towards the living room.
guts tightened, but he turned around. In Afghanistan,
that had been a mistake, and he knew it, that very instant.
next second there was a faint sound of fabric, movement,
and then the full weight of Dan's body, shoulder, knee
and hip impacting into Vadim's back.
lost balance, the weight brought him down, the impact
painful, but mostly disorientating. He tried to half-turn
at least, reflexes, tried to land on his back, or in
some other position where he could defend himself, but
Dan made that impossible. The impact pressed the air
from his lungs. The game was on.
Russian cunt." Dan said softly, an echo of long
ago. 'My', now, not 'you'. "You're not going to
trick me this time, aye?" He was moving swiftly,
a handcuff clicked around one wrist, first, then pulling
the other arm close, with another metallic sound the
second one shut. Steel, not ropes. Vadim's fingers found
the connection, the steel links, and he remembered what
Hooch's wrists had looked like. He shuddered. There
was nobody that forbid Dan to kick the shit out of him,
as long as he was fighting fit in ten days. And no chance
to escape from these cuffs.
do what's necessary", murmured Vadim, glancing
over his shoulder. The weight left his body when Dan
stood, walking around.
up." Standing right in front of Vadim, hands in
the pocket of his uniform trousers. "You're more
trouble than it's worth." Growling, softly, "I
should have killed you."
stood, body tensed, expecting kicks or punches, somehow.
Natural response. Reflexes, like one of Pavlov's dogs.
"Maybe." Vadim's lips were dry. "Maybe
I can be useful. Don't kill me." He remembered
how he had begged for his life, the blurring of tears,
the nausea, the realization that he'd been at the end
of what he could endure.
why shouldn't I?" Dan took his hand out of the
pocket, casually weighing a knife in his palm. Combat
knife, surplus, and he twirled it between his fingers
as if he'd never done anything else in his life. Until
it lay firmly and steadily in his hand. Light glinting
off the blade. "Why the fuck shouldn't I get rid
of you, you Russian cunt? Why shouldn't I cut you, and
this time watch you bleed dry?" Voice trailing
off, lowering with every word, but increasing in intensity.
A game, perhaps, but it didn't feel like it. "What's
keeping me here
" whispered, "what's
keeping you alive
kept his eyes on the knife, felt his back tighten, like
the muscles remembered the pain, being wounded. Suddenly
breathless. Bleed dry. Cut his throat. Carve more words
into his flesh. Blood. Pain. Glinting steel in that
tanned hand. Vadim's eyes were somewhat widened, and
he glanced at Dan's groin. "I'll be useful",
Sudden movement, barely a glint in his eyes, before
Dan's body moved full-force into Vadim's. Pushing him
against the wall, impact of shoulders into chest and
a fist resting in the pit of Vadim's stomach. Right
next to the blade that was nestled in the uniform cloth.
"You remember?" Whispered, Dan's face so close,
lips ghosting across a cheek, jaw, earlobe.
bared his throat, lust hitting him with the impact,
with the fist, and fuck, the knife. "I do."
No more than a whisper now that his throat was so tight.
you want me to do", he managed.
suck you, or
Voice sharp, body, hands, eyes and blade drawing closer,
voice gaining in intensity. "What the fuck makes
you think I'd want that?" Dan was hard,
shit, and the game was too real. Too much, no, just
right, and fuck he'd been jealous and Vadim was his,
and damn he'd never admit it and
fuck did you say?" Hissed.
breath was going faster, eyes now wide, recognising
the intensity, remembering. "Nobody would know",
he managed to get out. "I'm your
nobody would know what you did, and it's
a deal. For my life. I'll do whatever you want."
I'm not like you, cunt." Dan hissed, remembering,
body pressing closer, the knife slipping upwards, towards
the throat, the other hand downwards, pushed against
Vadim's groin, trapped between thigh and cock. "I
want more. You understand? You fucking understand?"
moved his head back, eyes on the knife, wanting the
touch at the same time, need and knife, each one heightening
the effect of the other. Fuck. Pull a knife on me and
I'm yours, part of him thought, and he swallowed. "Yes.
understand. You can
Struggling with the word. "Fuck me. Do what you
want. Just keep me alive." Wrong. "Let me
live." Keep me alive. Both sentences so close in
English, but very different meaning.
why, why should I?" Pressing in hard, Dan's hands
twisted in the confinement, blade to the throat, whispering
along sensitive flesh before moving down, cutting the
fabric of tunic and shirt, cutting the surface of flesh
and skin as well, which made Vadim shudder and sweat,
feeling the burn when the sweat entered the cuts. "Why
should you live?" One swift movement, and Vadim's
chest was bared.
lips were open, catching breath. Why. Why. He had no
idea. What should he say? "Because
you." It broke the game, whatever, but Vadim did,
and it was the only thing that made sense, and yet it
didn't break it, because Dan didn't even stop, nor flinch,
nor noticed anything, except for skin beneath his hand
and the minuscule line of a shallow cut between the
wanted to fuck me. Right? Admit it, you fucking bastard."
Dan was breathless, suddenly, and hardly above the audible.
Vadim met his gaze, swallowed again, against the knife
against his throat. "I still
want to fuck
and lust, in equal measure, blazing in Dan's eyes. "And
how many others?" Catching himself too late, he
growled, "but you're mine, you cunt." Almost
forgetting the game, far away, back in the mountains.
In heat and dust and anger. Pushing forward, hand twisting
into the cut fabric, pulling Vadim close, before bodily
thrusting him towards the living room door. "Inside!"
didn't resist much. How many others. It wasn't about
the recruits. It was, at least in part, about Hooch.
"Yours", he said, almost too loud in his own
ears while he stumbled into the living room.
Dan laughed, once, harsh, like he might have done, back
in the mountains. Delivering a kick once Vadim was inside
that made Vadim stumble and go down on his knees, barely
managing to not fall onto his face.
you keep me alive", Vadim whispered, "and
what the fuck did I get for it?" Past, present,
future, make-believe and reality all blurring together.
"You know what you got yourself into? With your
fucking foolishness? You won't get rid of me, Russkie.
glanced over his shoulder, then opened his legs to brace
himself, after Dan had opened the buckle, pulled Vadim's
trousers down. "I don't want to."
Dan said nothing, didn't react, just bared the arse
before him, and stared down at it. "I never finished
legs and ass tensed, the hands in his back clenching,
remembering the madness and pain when Dan had written
into his flesh. He wouldn't
would he? Do that?
Again? His stomach grew so taut that he was bordering
on nausea. He wasn't sure. He simply wasn't sure. He
couldn't place this, had no idea where Dan was heading,
felt disoriented. Still horny, fuck, yes, but otherwise
had no idea what was going on. "Fuck me",
he murmured, hoping that that was where it was going.
Sane. Something he knew. What he'd set out to get.
Running a hand across that arse, Dan had to physically
hold himself back. "Got to prepare you." Close
by, the heap of 'toys' he had dropped, and he chose
the dildo, the smaller one. A brief, unseen quirk of
a brow, when he realised Vadim had greased himself up.
Poised and ready, he worked the silicon cock deep inside.
Steadily, no mercy. "What did they teach you, Russkie?"
had no idea what Dan was talking about, who 'they' were,
or anything else, what Dan could possibly mean, instead
fully focused on the thing that was entering him. And
which would allow Dan to do this as much as he wanted,
and as long. "Who
handlers." Murmured. The dildo had already been
accepted, and vanished inside the body he'd never stopped
craving. Touching, watching, the contrast of taut flesh,
black silicon, and camo cloth of uniform and black leather
boots. "Never fraternize." Dan recited, quietly.
A memory from his old SAS days. Pulling the cut-off
tunic and shirt over Vadim's shoulders and down, until
the fabric ended bunched-up at his shackled wrists.
"What would you do to survive? Tell me."
Vadim groaned, his eyes were closed now, and it was
true, he'd do anything and had done anything to survive.
Dan breathed out, reaching for a length of rope. Still
in Vadim's back, unseen, he swiftly and securely tied
the rope around one booted ankle, leaving a short length
in between the feet, before tying off the other ankle.
He'd be able to hobble, no more. Then walking to the
front, Dan looked down while fishing for his cigarettes
and a lighter. "Look at me, cunt."
eyes opened, his head raised slightly to be able to
meet Dan's gaze. Lust and confusion in the bright blue
eyes, a hint of worry, more than a taste of fear. Cigarette.
The burn mark at his throat. "What do you want?"
he asked, voice rough. "Me to do?"
to ask so many questions." Dan raised his brows,
exhaling the first plume of smoke as he put the lighter
back into his pocket. A slow smile started to creep
into his face. "Silence, aye?" Putting his
index finger in front of his lips. "Sssshhhhh
no sound. I want you to shut up. Not a peep. You think
you can do that?"
nodded, jaw muscles tightened. Shut up. He had gagged
Hooch. But he preferred to be able to scream. Just in
case. If that was what Dan was planning. Konstantinov
had allowed him to scream. It had been the admission
that he was in pain - something he hadn't given him
for a long time. At least it had felt like a long time.
know what they do to prisoners in the SAS?" Dan
smoked slowly, leisurely. "When we have to interrogate
them?" Half-turning, he walked over to the sofa,
pushing the low table away, but leaving the rug. A space
now, freed, and he sat with legs braced, leaning back,
as if he were holding a relaxed conversation. Crooking
his finger towards Vadim to make him come closer. "Well,
shook his head, then straightened a bit, and moved,
on his knees, shuffling closer with the small movements
the rope around his ankles allowed. His eyes meeting
Dan's, watching him closely. Just in front of Dan's
feet, he stopped and straightened more, fingers in his
smiled, not his usual smile, but a dangerous one, an
old one. A smile from long ago. "We work at them.
Slowly. We take our time."
have years. But I will not need years. Konstantinov.
his knees further, Dan crooked his finger again for
Vadim to come closer. "I could fuck you now, or
I could make you suck me." Inhaling the smoke,
the cigarette glowing bright red. "But that would
be too easy, don't you think?"
or no were both wrong answers, so Vadim shrugged and
moved closer, as ordered. You call the shots, he thought.
Eyes flickering to the redness of the burning tobacco,
the smell, and the spot under his throat itched. Might
watched, the uniform cloth on his own hairless skin
an overpowering sensation. Unknown, not just long forgotten.
Simply unknown, like the waters he'd jumped into right
now. He'd sink or swim and didn't care either way. Whatever
happened. "Would definitely be too fast."
Nodding to himself, Dan dropped his free hand, taking
hold of a nipple and twisted, hard, while moving the
cigarette down to the hollow of Vadim's throat. Not
touching, but the heat was there. Right there, making
Vadim squirm, inside, outside, biting back the groan
from the nipple, and the pleading to not get burned.
no sound." Smiling. "Unlike in the mountains."
breathed hard, nodded, but he was definitely sweating
again. Eyes now showing more fear than confusion. He
was settling into the rules, followed them, didn't think
about them anymore. Minimizing whatever danger he could.
cigarette went upwards. Slowly, ever so slowly, and
almost touching the skin, but never quite. If Vadim
did so much as just twitch, he'd burn himself, but as
it were, Dan moved it all the way up towards the face
and then took it away. Only then stopping to twist and
flick the nipple. "You know where the knife is?"
A strange sort of amusement in his voice. "You
think you could get hold of it if you knew?" Moving
to the other nipple, twisting, again and again, short
nails flicking across the hardened bud.
Where had the knife vanished to? He couldn't remember.
Didn't see it right away, and his nipples were the focus
of his attention, the slow torture that still kept him
hard, the pain and the pleasure, making his breath catch
a few times. He didn't want to betray the effect, but
he did. The question. Vadim shrugged again. Teeth clenched,
lips had opened a bit.
let go and leaned back, regarding the man in front of
him. As well known as his own body and yet right now
as deep and dark as the water he was in. "This
is no game, aye?" Musing, more to himself than
to Vadim, as he smoked slowly until the cigarette was
finished. Abusing another plant to stub out the butt.
it? Was it not? If it wasn't, why had Dan not added
another burn mark? If it was ... why was he asking.
And if it wasn't, why wasn't he fighting, resisting?
Because Konstantinov had broken that bone in his body,
Vadim realised. He'd learnt that he couldn't resist,
that he was powerless, fully dependent on the torturer.
Lover. Assuming that that was what Dan wanted to see,
he shook his head. No game.
little as with the Delta?" Dan traced a line from
Vadim's jaw down to a nipple, before taking it between
his fingertips and twisting it once more. Slowly, everything
slowly, making Vadim flinch, his hands formed fists.
nodded, then. He was at the receiving end of the same
kind of not-game. And maybe he should fight this, only,
he stood no chance. He couldn't get away, couldn't run,
couldn't punch or kick.
sudden flash in Dan's eyes and he nodded, once, and
stood up. "Move." Pointing to the rug and
its very centre.
shuffled backwards until he was in place. Thinking about
the knife's whereabouts, when Dan was behind him instantly,
another length of rope in his hand. Doubled up, he fixed
it in a loop around the steel links of the handcuffs,
each end tied to one ankle. Pulling hard, until Vadim's
shoulders were taut and his chest thrust out, shackled
hands as far down as physically possible - and then
a little more, forcing a groan from Vadim, who felt
it keenly in his shoulders, chest, neck, the small of
moved to face him, crotch at eye level. "I have
time. I even give you a choice, cunt. Knife or cock."
And there it was, the blade gleamed once again in his
nodded towards Dan's groin, then glanced up, hoping
it was understood. Shuffling slightly forward, to move
his face towards the cock. Knife was not an option.
the belt, Dan opened his fly, letting the uniform trousers
fall to his ankles, all without a word. His cock interested,
but not fully hard. Too much concentration - until now.
Still no word, when he stepped closer, one hand gripping
the back of Vadim's head, the other holding the knife
against his throat, which made Vadim's cock jump.
would he give head to an enemy? Vadim pondered just
for a moment, then opened his lips, moving to take the
cock in. Smooth, he had to do it, and it was the first
chance he got to fuck Dan's mind as well. Careful to
not put pressure against the blade, he made a show of
reluctance to do anything with the flesh between his
lips, undecided. Swallowing as if he were nervous, then
slowly using his tongue to run it across the flesh,
probing, trying out, breathing through the nose, a loud
sound in his own ears.
feelings real, and the reluctance a make-belief that
was too realistic to ignore. Dan shuddered, his own
breath quickening after a few short moments. "Best
make it good." His voice husky, tilting the blade
to avoid cutting, yet letting it scrape against the
skin as he pressed in harder. Making a statement between
the hand that forced Vadim's head closer, his cock deeper,
and the blade at the jugular.
took another bit, some more cock, right to the point
where novices could get it, and moved his head back
and forth in the constraints of hand and blade, trying
what many tried, to do it just with the friction from
the lips, which didn't work and couldn't work, but that
was beside the point. He remembered how much Dan had
enjoyed this from Jean, who'd been anything but a pro
in this, but he'd made a few serious attempts. He sped
up those movements, as if his jaw was getting tired,
wondering if he should let Dan force him, or force himself
to go deeper.
decision was made for him, when Dan hissed out, "useless!"
Before the hand in the back of Vadim's head pushed harder,
brutal, with no way to go but forward, forcing the cock
down the throat.
choking was damned real, and Vadim did struggle against
that reflex like he hadn't in ages. He managed to focus,
forced himself to focus, even if his body fought the
panic of not being able to breathe. Moving again, raw
throat giving Dan more friction, and he doubled his
efforts, sucking on the cock, focusing on getting the
other man off, trying to be free and to breathe again.
Soon, finding a passable rhythm and strength, enjoying
this, he stayed hard, using some of his skill, as if
breathing was harsh now, faster and shallower, the closer
he got, yet the blade remained steady, hand and knife
moving along with Vadim's rhythm. Pulling suddenly out,
almost all the way, allowing a split second to catch
his breath. Eyes intensely on Vadim, whose eyes were
burning, before he bore down once more, cumming that
very moment. The blade pressed flat against the throat,
his hips jerked, as his cock was buried deeply. He spasmed,
and Vadim took it, swallowing for every overspill, a
reflex as his throat fought the intruder, but his breathing
was under control, allowing Dan to stay there, keep
the cock there. His own twitched, too, but he knew making
him cum was not high on Dan's list of priorities right
deeply, to counteract the aftershocks, Dan pulled back
and out, using Vadim's lips to ensure every drop was
caught and his cock was cleaned, and Vadim swallowed
again, but the taste lingered. The feeling of having
been used, of having offered and that this game had
smiled briefly, face flushed beneath the tan, as he
struggled for a moment to bring his breathing back under
control. Slipping the knife into the utility pocket
on the trouser leg, he tucked himself in, closed fly,
buttons and belt, and went towards Vadim's back. He
said nothing, not even when the knife came back out
and he started slicing the remains of the tunic into
strips, before cutting the fabric off that had been
bunched around Vadim's wrists.
closed his eyes, felt the motions in his back, around
his arms, assumed Dan wanted him naked. Or maybe it
was to bare the scars that were on his back. He cleared
his throat, but no other sound.
doubled-up strip of camo fabric was slipped over his
eyes, then knotted tightly in the back. A touch of Dan's
fingers along his jaw the last contact Vadim felt before
Dan turned and walked out of the room. Closing the door
Empty. Vadim shuddered. Taking our time. Remembering
how he'd been left alone, for weeks, hours, years, how
his mind had started to race, and right now, he had
to cling to the fact it was a game, but his face twitched.
Fingers tensed, hands became fists, the stress position
growing painful, keeping him upright by using his own
body against him. Vadim began to sweat. As time passed,
the fear came. Crawled up to him, curled around his
mind, until he felt himself breathe fast. What if he
was back in Moscow? Everything else just a dream. Just
an illusion. One of the many dreams. A hallucination?
Carpet under his knees. That was the only clue. He wasn't
hungry, hadn't been beaten, and Dan's cigarette could
still be smelled in the room. Nevertheless, the reaction
was violent, nausea, fear, and cold sweat.
the door opened quietly, muted steps were felt rather
than heard, as Dan returned. Stopping in front of the
bound man, Dan studied Vadim for a while, before his
fingertips lightly touched the face, which moved forward
to nuzzle against the hand. The touch growing firmer,
caressing the cheek, then running down towards the sweat
gleaming chest. Brushing over a nipple, no pain this
time, before the hand came back up, ending as a steady
presence in the back of Vadim's neck. Cool glass then
touched the lower lip, offering water. Vadim tilted
his head and accepted the drink, swallowing, drinking
without restraint, trusting the kindness. Dan.
raised his face, blindly meeting a gaze he only guessed,
shifting his weight and broadening his stance. Close
to speaking Dan's name, or something like 'please',
but a finger was placed against his lips, silencing
him without speaking a word.
faint sound of cloth shifting, as Dan leaned down, lips
moving against Vadim's, silently urging to open up,
while both hands caressed the bound body. Running across
sweaty skin, moving along tense muscles. Towards cuffs
and ropes, back and up once more.
answered the kiss, opened up, fully, hungrily, needed
the reassurance now, needed the kiss more than anything.
There was a small sound, for a moment, that he couldn't
suppress, but Dan didn't stop, allowed the sound, as
he kissed deeply, hungrily, tasting of vodka. One hand
moving down, towards the dildo, manipulating the base
that held it securely inside, pushing it deeper, moving,
rhythmically, while he drank in every emotion, as they
kissed for long minutes. Vadim's need growing, and he
moved as much as he could, pushing back against the
intrusion, like he'd welcome a real cock.
finally pulled back, caressed Vadim's face once more,
before his muted footsteps retreated out of the room
and the door closed.
said Vadim, but Dan had not heard, too quiet, and he
was already gone. Left alone with the need and the taste
of Dan. Wanting. But there was no way he could cum,
even if he could fuck himself on that thing, it would
only worsen the need. Forced to wait again, and soon
disoriented about time, but not space. He knew where
he was, but his mind just didn't respond to that. There
was the fear again, of having been abandoned, forgotten,
made to wait, and he soon had no idea how long it was.
again the door opened and the scent of cigarette smoke
crept into the room. No sound, though, no footsteps,
not for several minutes, while Vadim's heart raced,
listening for the smallest hint of movement, of presence.
he murmured, swallowing harshly, turning his face to
where he'd heard the last sound. "I'll say everything.
answer, no sound either, not for another couple of minutes,
but neither punishment for speaking. Finally the footsteps
once again got closer and the cigarette smoke got stronger.
Dan came to a stop, once more in front of Vadim, and
sat down on his heels, face on the same level. Still
not a word, just the slow inhaling and exhaling of nicotine.
could feel Dan's breath on his face, smell him, and
his heart calmed. He shivered as he wanted to see him,
touch him, know it was Dan. He didn't speak again, only
shuffled closer, towards where he knew Dan was. Trying
to touch, somehow, even if his hands remained tied in
was met with fingertips that touched his face, the cigarette
gone. With lips that replaced the fingers, when hands
once more ran over his body. Touches, everywhere and
constant. Caressing the tensed up muscles, a touch that
grew firmer, kneading tension out of shoulders and arms,
while the lips, those kisses, travelled across Vadim's
face, throat, down to his chest. Never ceasing, as if
hands and lips worshipped him; adored his bound helplessness,
relishing in the control they had over him, and Vadim
relaxed, calmed, found a deep, strange solace in this.
Half-leaning into it, still feeling the thing inside
him, but it was less torturous now, just a reminder.
reminder that grew in intensity when a hand dropped
to his cock. Strong, calloused fingers closing around
the flesh, stroking slowly. Taking their time - with
time the most precious commodity they'd ever had in
their lives. The other hand moving down, down, once
more manipulating the dildo, embedded deep inside. The
kisses continued, now back on Vadim's lips, concentrating
on coaxing them open, allowing Dan's tongue to slip
inside, to explore, clash, and taste. Vadim moved -
the clever hands stoking the fire until he was breathless,
wanting to be properly fucked, by flesh, wanting to
cum, but Dan's hand didn't go that far, never quite
that far, instead keeping him right there, wanting,
and he groaned with frustration into that kiss, wanting
to beg again, ask for it.
pulled back after long minutes, voice husky. "Almost
" You've almost conquered the mountains.
yet." No comment on Vadim's lack of silence, no
move to enforce it either. With hands and lips gone,
something ice cold went to Vadim's lips, with the strong
scent of vodka. Vadim opened his lips, drinking, thirst
and need making him reckless, downing all of the offered
of wiping Vadim's lips, Dan licked them, caught a drip
off the chin with his tongue, then stood up and walked
away again. Again. This time, though, the door remained
open and yet there was no sound once the footsteps had
disappeared into another room.
hung his head, relaxed, feeling the burn of the vodka,
focused on breathing, on the tingling memory of Dan's
lips on his. Shifting his weight again, as much as the
restrains allowed, relaxed his muscles. His ass was
beginning to feel sore, he should have used more lube,
but he hadn't seen this coming, not at all. He waited,
clinging to Dan as a memory. Dan, who might be watching
him, Dan, who would come back to do the same thing again
- for as long as he wanted, and as often.
Dan didn't come. Watching Vadim from the hallway, in
silence. No sound, not even cigarette smoke. Sitting
in a kitchen chair he'd brought out, legs braced, booted
feet planted on the ground. Fly open, he was stroking
himself without any hurry. Just stoking the simmering
lust while he watched and sat, relishing in the sensation
of power. Control. Yes, that's what it was: control.
Controlling each breath, each movement, each moment
of lust and each taste and kiss and thought. Watching,
studying. This work of art, the glimpse of scars in
the back - his scars - the knowledge of another,
hidden between the opened knees. The way the sweat increased
on the smooth skin, glistening in the low light of the
single lamp in the room. How the body shifted from time
to time. Imagining the strain, the fatigue, and the
impossibility of knowing. Control
like he should
have had in the Afghan mountains.
fear came back, Vadim's mind suddenly shifted with fear,
a moment of losing it all, the focus, and any thought,
when everything became a swirl of emotions he couldn't
name. Vadim groaned as it hit him, he remembered that
feeling, the fear of going insane as his mind was coming
apart. Struggling, breathing harshly through the nostrils,
just aware of sweat running in drops down his back,
his flanks. "Oh please", he murmured in Russian.
"Get me out ... get me out ..."
looked up, alerted, tilting his head as he strained
to hear the words. Still for a moment, he stood up,
as quietly as he could, cock still out and he didn't
care. Trousers barely held up with the belt, he took
hold of the tub of Vaseline he'd stored beside his chair,
and the bottle of vodka he'd been drinking out of. Seemed
it was time, now. Vadim was ready. No mountains, this,
and a long time since, but he could still smell the
heat and the dust.
wasn't aware that anything had shifted. He pleaded,
and his words didn't make much sense. They sounded strangled,
half Russian, half English words, many of them just
stuck in his throat, choking him, but the despair was
audible, and 'please' was the word he used most.
frowned, placing bottle and tub down, and knelt once
more, sitting on his heels. Right in front of Vadim,
who hadn't noticed him this time. No touch, yet, speaking
instead, to make a difference. "You're ready, aye?"
Softly, Dan's voice a mere rumble, when he did reach
out, fingertips touching Vadim's face.
shuddered violently, and nodded, biting back the fear
and insanity. Dan. Touch. Ready. Yes. "Please.
Dan." Voice strangled. "Use me."
breathed out, shuddering when the words hit his core.
Shooting straight to his cock - and to his heart, mind,
his entire being. Touching something deeper and beyond
any 'game'. This was different, this was far more and
he'd eventually understand its importance.
Touching, moving, the knife was back, cutting through
ropes. Severing wrists from ankles, making Vadim groan
with relief. Free. Pressure off his back, but he was
so stiff now he had no control of his body.
was steadying the body that slid against him, helping
Vadim's chest to the ground. Arse up, back arched, the
rope between the ankles allowing enough access. "I
will use you alright."
rested his cheek against the ground, shoulders taking
his weight. He opened his legs as far as the rope allowed,
knowing full well he didn't look very dignified, instead
submitting, completely submitting to Dan like this,
while at the same time being hard and more than ready
with the silicone cock up his ass, which was moved the
next instant, slowly being pulled out. No harshness,
not right now, not before it was out and gone, and Dan's
hand was back, this time with more Vaseline. Slicking
himself up, as well as Vadim, he paused a moment. Kneeling
between Vadim's legs, his hands spreading the grease-glistening
buttocks, opening him up. Lips moving, but the 'you're
mine' was not audible, just a silent whisper.
pushed forward, the muscle relaxed enough to accept
his cock without resistance, and Dan groaned out loud
when he rocked himself in, once, twice, before he was
deeply engulfed, to the hilt, balls pressed against
Vadim's arse. Vadim shuddered hard, uncontrollably,
his cock twitched, whole body tensed and tried to cum,
but didn't manage, of course not. He pushed back, hungry,
wanting, sore, fingers reaching for Dan's body, desperate
for more contact.
Dan just fucked him, long, deep strokes in an ever increasing,
near-punishing rhythm. Holding Vadim's hips steady with
both hands, he had stamina now, the second time round,
and was putting all his strength and need into each
thrust. Using the body and mind, one with his own.
ever-increasing pressure, the fact he couldn't move,
the burn and soreness in his ass and the way Dan fucked
him, no consideration, really, truly using him, built
up the pressure to a point where Vadim didn't know what
hit him. The pressure tearing, close to bursting, going
through him, and he came, hard, with a sound that was
between pleading, shout and groan, cum splattering the
carpet, while his whole body tensed.
mind imploded, realising that Vadim had cum. Just like
that - fucked, while his own cock was gripped tight
in the convulsions. Unable to retain the rhythm, Vadim's
orgasm took him along, topped him over, and Dan threw
his head far back into his neck, groaning out with abandon
as he came, deep in Vadim's body, erratically thrusting.
gritted his teeth, keeping the tension to not collapse,
but it wasn't easy. Dan's strength rocked him, and all
he could do was take it and resist, for his own sake,
and Dan's. Then, the movements slowed, stopped, and
Vadim managed to breathe again. Fuck. There had been
no hand involved. Nothing to help him along. Just like
lowered his head, breathing hard with his heart racing,
hammering against his chest as if it tried to kill him.
Mindlessly stroking the damp body, sweat-gliding skin,
until he had himself enough under control to pull out
carefully. Struggling to breathe, still, he was searching
for the key, and unlocked the cuffs, then reaching over
to pull the blindfold off. "Holy shit." Voice
husky, he smiled at Vadim.
fell to the side, breathing harshly, and reached up
to his face to wipe the sweat away. Removing the cuffs
that were dangling from one wrist, while Dan cut off
the rope that connected his ankles. They didn't speak.
Dan helped Vadim up, to the bathroom, and cleaned him
up, while Vadim felt so sore and stiff and tired he
didn't manage to string two thoughts together. He was
washed and towelled, and then brought to bed, where
he lay on his side, shuddering every now and then. Dan
close behind him, until they drifted off to sleep in
the shared warmth.
next day saw both of them having a lie-in, with Dan
being more attentive than usual. He actually managed
to get a coffee going before Vadim was up, serving the
strong brew in bed, after he'd had his first cigarette
in the kitchen. Preparing breakfast was obviously too
much for his abilities, and he suggested heading out
for brunch. So they did, staying in the area, they found
a nice café that served a buffet of everything
imaginable that tickled the Continental palate.
off for the Berlin Zoo afterwards, Dan enjoyed the animals
more than he would any museum or art gallery, but let
Vadim choose the evening's entertainment. Vadim seemed
thoughtful, attentive when Dan looked at him, and more
mellow than usual, every now and then thinking back
to the previous night and what he'd experienced, but
he didn't feel like talking about it. Good that Dan
didn't appear like he wanted to talk about it, either.
So he took Dan on a tour through East Berlin, showed
him places he'd lived, met people, witnessed things,
where the Stasi had kept their prisoners, back in the
days. He told the stories with a sense of bewilderment,
as if it had been a thousand years since he'd been involved
in these matters.
watched him, far more intensely and with a much increased
frequency than usual, as if the man who told stories
of the past was recalling events of a certain frailty.
Eventually, he coaxed Vadim away from those places and
to a bar that looked inviting. Finding good beer 'vom
Fass' they settled into a nook for an hour, before it
was time to head for dinner. Deciding on a whim, Dan
stopped in front of a Turkish restaurant, and with light-hearted
banter luring him inside, where they found the service
friendly and the food excellent, with a burst of flavour
in every bite. It was still early when they ventured
out again, pleasantly filled with food and drink, and
with Dan musing aloud if they should look for another
bar or club or if they should return to the bungalow.
to return, they hailed a taxi fairy quickly and were
back in the bungalow just a little later, where Vadim
opted for a quick shower, some lotion in a sensitive
area, and then crawled into bed.
alright?" Dan stood in the doorway, naked, finishing
off his last cigarette for the night. Vadim stretched
out, pulled the pillow closer and stuffed it under his
just been damned quiet all day." Dan flashed a
smile, "not that you are usually a grand talker,
been wondering if I went too far last night."
Stubbing out the fag in an ashtray he'd been holding,
Dan stepped into the bedroom.
smiled and pulled the covers back to allow Dan to get
skin to skin with him. "No. It was ... intense.
I wasn't quite sure what you were doing ... where it
would get us. You. Me." Vadim kept his eyes on
Dan, admiring the body, the grace, the scars. "Felt
strange." And I came. I came without having been
touched. Couldn't help it, and it was nearly painful.
you seemed to enjoy it." Dan grinned, a little
wistful and oddly self-conscious. "Well, it just
felt like what was right at the time." Sliding
under the covers, he moved close to embrace and hold
Vadim. Chest against back, legs and arms moulded.
leaned back, holding Dan's hands. "I did. Fuck,
I did." Thinking for long moments. "Getting
... off on it. It's too strange. But it was ... good.
The ... kit, and the ... memory, the knife. Danger.
Brutality. Not ... caring what I want. That's all ...
part of it. Guess you just fucking me after you ...
broke me is always with me, somewhere. It's when I give
up, Dan. When I'd do anything. That's ... a very strange
place to be."
frowned, unseen in Vadim's back. "I don't get it.
I didn't fuck you after I broke you. What the hell do
I wanted you to", said Vadim, keeping his eyes
closed. "Yeah, and that's me, telling Hooch to
accept what he wants and I'm still fucking ashamed of
Dan asked quietly. The taste of ashes was back in his
mouth and had nothing to do with nicotine. Remembered
what he'd been told after the blow-up over visiting
his family in Scotland. "Ashamed of being gay?"
of wanting ..." Of wanting. Of wanting to be hit,
fucked, tied up, threatened, brutalized. Of wanting
to rape and brutalize in return. "That darkness.
That extreme. Things like the cutting, the ... games
we play. I want that. I'm still sore, I still remember
what you did last night, what I ... allowed you to do.
I keep thinking I shouldn't."
why not? Who's there to tell you what you can and cannot
do?" Dan nuzzled his face into the back of Vadim's
neck for a moment. "I certainly don't judge you.
smiled. "I guess I just want to be strong and honourable
... worthy." The smile was ironic - he'd long since
said goodbye to the notions of honour and worthiness.
Strength had remained, and he'd even learnt the limits
of that - the very hard way.
you are. I don't understand what sex and lust have to
with being strong and honourable? As long as it is consensual?"
don't look down on me when you do that? You don't think
... what a pathetic bastard I am?"
Dan physically coiled back, propping himself up on his
elbow. "Tell me you are fucking joking and this
isn't really a question."
half-turned, studying his face. Seeing the truth. "No.
Not a question. You don't. I'm sorry."
looked down at Vadim, reaching out to touch his face.
"Don't be sorry. We've been through so much
no need to be sorry. Ever. Aye?" He smiled.
smiled and placed his hand against Dan's, kissing the
inside of his hand, relishing the warmth and strength.
"No. I'm okay. I'm just thinking too much. Worrying."
what?" Dan settled back in, couldn't think of anything
at all to worry about. They were alive, had jobs, were
financially settled, as long as they could keep working
for a while.
And nothing. My mind just does it. Always something
going on." Vadim leaned back against Dan. "Bad
sleeping help? While being
grinned, lips curving in the back of Vadim's neck.
works." Vadim smiled and reached over to switch
off the light on the nightstand. "Sleep well, Dan."
Dan murmured, smiling. "Sleep well, Russkie."
His voice carried all the tenderness of a man who knew
who he loved and had known for a long time.
didn't take long for Dan to fall asleep. Less than ten
minutes later and he breathed regularly and softly,
while holding onto Vadim.
gloom was gone by the morning, and they started the
day far more light-hearted than the one before. Laughing
and joking, Dan was in a good mood, especially since
they were off to explore, and that included a visit
to the local pool. The evening brought good food and
even better entertainment, and surprisingly, Dan enjoyed
the theatre that Vadim got him into. It was fun, and
a lot of banter, half of which Dan couldn't understand
but laughed anyway, and they spent the night in a local
bar, enjoying the initially reserved and then rapidly
warming friendliness. The day after that wasn't much
different, except for a bit more sightseeing and the
odd gallery that Dan let himself get dragged into, but
most importantly, a tender session of lovemaking at
night. The comfort of two men who knew each other better
than each on their own could know themselves.
had fallen asleep after that, relaxed and happy, even
though aware of the fact that time was moving on and
they'd have to head back in less than a week, but at
the moment, the little holiday seemed to last.
was that same night when he suddenly awoke with a start,
unaware he'd been screaming, and sat in bed, upright,
drenched in sweat. The dream too real. Far too real,
and disturbing like few others. He'd dreamed Konstantinov
had pushed something with steel blades into his mouth,
cutting his lips, his gums, his throat, laying bare
the roots of his teeth and penetrating him through the
neck. And with the logic of dreams, this very disturbing
thing had been Konstantinov's cock - if the cold-hearted
bastard even had one - it was bizarre and his mind reeled,
at the same time he kept swallowing, half-expecting
to taste his own blood again, feel the shredded flesh
in his mouth, and whistle through the open wounds in
his throat and neck that he'd suffered in his dream.
Dan was scrambling for the light, unable to find it
at first in the unfamiliar room. Alerted and frantic,
he sat on the bed when he finally found the switch and
light flooded the room. Heart hammering.
shuddered, only slowly coming back. Light, room. Dan.
His hands were on his lips, teeth, checking his flesh,
making sure he was okay. "Just ... a dream."
Only they weren't 'just' dreams.
Vadim, you've been screaming your head off." Dan
stretched out with his hand, but stopped mid-motion,
remembering. "Can I ... can I touch you? Want some
water? Want to be left alone or not? Or
trying to calm himself and make sense. "Fuck. Thought
the nightmares were over. Shit."
shuddered, again, his cold sweat smelled foul, rotten,
somehow. "He's still there. He's still in my head."
He shook his head, felt he was panting, and kept swallowing
what should have been blood and was only saliva. "It's
okay. Water's good. I'm ... calm."
... okay. Just give me a sec." Dan jumped out of
the bed and managed to get to the kitchen and run a
glass of cold water in record time. Returning to the
side of Vadim's bed, where he sat down, offering the
water. "With 'he'
did you mean the torturer?"
he asked quietly.
reached for the glass and drank it, deeply, thirstily,
hoping to wash the memory of the blood away. "Him.
Konstantinov. Fucking bastard." Saying the name
conjured him up, brought the face back, the voice. The
Dan looked down, shook his head. Remembered Dr Williams,
and the fact that no matter what, he was actually helpless.
No matter what the doctor had said. "Any idea why
now? Anything I did or said?" Of course, the sex,
a couple of days ago.
shook his head. "Don't think so. I was fine when
we went to bed. Relaxed. Nothing that could have triggered
this." And the thing with the blades had been a
new invention, at least he hoped so. Most dreams were
wordless, no images, just bone-grinding dread. This
one had been more immediate, less severe, if disgusting
and appalling, but different. Less bad. "Not because
of Hooch. Not because of you. The dream was nothing
like what? Dan tensed, alerted, but tried to
keep looking as relaxed as he could. "You mean
you have the dream more often?" More often than
the last and first time he'd encountered one.
often for my taste", Vadim said wryly, reaching
for a discarded T-shirt to wipe off the sweat that annoyed
him. "Sometimes I just wake up. Sometimes I don't
- it just stops, I think, eventually, and I sleep like
normal. This one ... wasn't just ... an emotion, it
was more immediate, clearer, more of an ... image, and
a sensation. More physical."
hell, and I never realised."
not every night. Just ... often enough." Nice way
to skirt around it, but Vadim really didn't want to
think of it, didn't want to speak the words. Dan wouldn't
want him give head for a while if he had to fear that
that was what Vadim thought when sucking him off. No
reason to do that. "Something ... weird. I got
injured. I was bleeding."
that have anything to do with the knife?" Alerted
again, and undoubtedly confused.
wasn't a knife." Vadim shook his head, wiped his
brown again. "No. I like you with a knife."
Reaching over to press Dan's hand. "Don't worry
about it. I try to ignore it ... maybe I should have
a shower. I'm reeking."
about a bath?" Not worrying about it? Bullshit,
but Dan understood that the chapter had just been closed
and Vadim didn't want to talk. "I'll join you in
a nice hot soak, what about that?"
great. I'll start the water." Vadim stood, noticed
his legs were tired as if he'd run a half-marathon,
but he started the water and soon they shared the tub,
relaxing again, and thoroughly warmed up, refreshed
and tired, they went back to bed, even though it was
beginning to dawn.
was holding Vadim once more, but this time, he couldn't
fall asleep again. It was bright morning when he finally
dozed off, still wrapped around Vadim.
last days were mellow, though. Taking it easy and enjoying
the luxury of freedom. No routines, no duties - and
no more nightmares for now. Letting their R&R between
jobs peter out in the best possible fashion.
had their marching order, and what had been crystallising
was now a definite on black and white: the Balkans.
In a few days' time, after organising storage and stopping
over in Britain to leave all their fanciful new civilian
possessions behind, they were finally back on a plane,
heading towards their next destination
more Jean, no more wine; no more Hooch, and no more
whisky. No more Maggie nor Dr Williams and no more Beauvais
and no more Matt. No more desert, and no more heat.
plenty of hatred.